Where the Magic Happens

Disney! 

Some of you were heading in a totally different direction with that title....admit it. 


This past week we rode into Orlando on the heels of Tropical Storm Debby.  We joined my parents and sister's family for a few days at Disney World. 


Though good ol' Debby wreaked havoc on much of the state, she actually left us with a mildly rainy and cooler week.  We even had some days with a breeze and low humidity.  Hello? Florida in June? 


I came out of this trip without been puked or pooped on so I count it a major victory in the world of traveling with a baby. 


All in all, it was a really great week.  We had our tickets generously given to us by a friend.  Spent some sweet, quality time with my family that I rarely get to see.  Got five interrupted days with my husband and little guy.   


It did my heart good. 




Bringing an infant to Disney World anytime soon? Here's a list of what you can do on your trip. 


1.  Take the baby on Space Mountain. 


2.  Just kidding. 


3.  Take the baby on It's a Small World ride.  


4.  Sit in the shade while the baby naps. 


5.  Count how many families are in matching t-shirts. 


6.  Take the baby on It's a Small World ride. 


7.  Snap 5,204 pictures of the baby in Mouse Ears.  

Wish I could show you the full picture because he's pretty much
the cutest mouse you've ever seen. 

8.  Sit in the shade while the baby naps. 


9.  Get as many pictures with Disney characters as possible, because the baby is too young to be deathly afraid of them yet. 
(Our sweet boy loved touching Mickey's nose when he 
met him :)


10.  Take the baby on It's a Small World ride. 


Repeat steps 3-10. 




*Thanks to all of my friends who gave me great advice and travel tips before our trip!*

What. A. Week.

Whew.


It's been a doozy of a week.


Let me share a few nuggets of wisdom I gleaned from the last seven days.

Have a Plan B when going out of town and leaving a spouse at home with your child/children.

Why? Because let's just say it's last Saturday night, and you're at a wedding 2 1/2 hours away.  Your husband calls at 11pm to let you know he can't stop throwing up.  There's a 240% chance the baby will be up in the middle of the night.  You know you won't make the drive home awake because of this.

A list of folks to call in a pinch would have been helpful.  Instead, your rock-star, nauseated husband handled the baby and his puking all night by himself.  He then ended up needed two IV's the next morning because of dehydration.


Purchase refundable airline tickets. 

Why? Because when you are supposed to fly out Monday morning to a wedding that your husband is officiating and he has been puking non-stop and hasn't been able to stay awake for more than five minutes, a little flexibility in your travel schedule would be helpful.

Unfortunately, when yours isn't and it is going to cost $700 per ticket to change your flight,  you pray hard that you will not to have to carry Brian and the baby onto the plane.


When trying to leave for a flight and you have already showered, don't hold the baby upright against you after he just finished eating. 

Why? Because he will puke all over your head.  And you will have to take another shower.


When packing a carry-on for the flights and you have an infant, it's a good idea to bring a change of clothes. 

Why? Because there is a chance he will have diarrhea mid-flight that ends up all over your pants and the plant seat.

I'm just guessing.

Not that it happened to me or anything.


When traveling with a baby, it's a good idea to have him sleep in a pack-n-play before the trip.  

Why? Because otherwise, he'll refuse to sleep in it and scream like a banshee everytime you put him down.

You will bargain with God in hopes that the 14th time you lay him down will be the one where he'll stay alseep.

You will curse loudly in your head when it isn't.

You will end up holding him.

All. Night. Long.


The Garden of the Gods in Colorado Springs is where you should get married.

Why? Because this will be your backdrop.

Having a father-in-law who is a nurse is quite helpful.

Why? Because when your amazing mother-in-law, who is taking care of the baby while you are at the wedding festivities, starts throwing up non-stop, you'll need someone to take care of her and hold the baby at the same time.

And that man claims he's not "good" with babies.  But we sure saw differently this week.  Paw-Paw had some sweet moments with our little guy. :)

LOVE Colorado. 


But man, is it GOOD to be home. 

Night Musings

When you tell people your child sleeps through the night your child will then stop sleeping through the night. 


I may or may not be speaking from personal experience. 


I may or may not have been up every night the last few weeks between 1:00 and 4:00ish.


Good times. 


I'm a 8-9 hours of sleep kinda girl. 


Less than that makes me cranky and ornery.  


Sorry Brian.  


And my co-workers. 


And the general population. 


But being up in the middle of the night does allow me plenty of time for random thinking....

• Can I stretch $30 into getting me a new summer wardrobe? 

• At what age is it appropriate for me to stop listening to rap music? 

• Why do businesses use the letter "K" to replace words that begin with a C in their company name?  Is the Klassy Boutique really classy?

• How many times is it acceptable to go into Target in a given week? When do the employees start to address you by  name?

• Why on God's green earth will this child not go to sleep? 

• What happened to Bachelorette Emily's teeth?

• How long does it take to put in a inground pool?  Could I have it by next weekend? 

• Do I have time to take a nap tomorrow afternoon? What about tomorrow night? What's the earliest I could be in bed by? 

At some point the little man starts snoring.  Daylight is breaking and I climb back into bed.  

Mentally establishing the number of times I can hit the snooze button before I get up.  

From this day out, I do solemnly swear to never, ever state that my child is a good sleeper.

The end.    

Changes

I do not do change easily.   My husband, on the other hand, relishes it.  

I liken it to the time we went sky-diving while we were dating.  I was clinging on to any part of the plane, trying to keep from being shoved out to what I was convinced was my untimely death. 

Meanwhile, he offered to jump first and dove out head first. 

Even after the jump, I was nauseous the rest of the day and wondering why I had done it.  

He was ready to jump again. 

That's our life picture for change.  Suh-lightly different. 

But, change is inevitable and thankfully, when it comes, we're able to balance each other out through the process.  

Here's some of the changes going on with us....

1.  We've switched adoption agencies.  After a very looooonnnnggg process of praying and talking through our decision, and for reasons I won't go into- we felt like it was the wisest decision for us to switch to a new agency.  

It was a decision that did NOT come lightly. We had already been in process a year and had invested money- our own and money donated to our adoption- and that weighed heavily on us.  After viewing all sides, we did not have a peace about staying with the current agency, so we have switched to Lifeline Children's Services in Birmingham.  They have a pilot program in DRC, but are working with many other countries around the world. 

One of the reasons we really liked them was because their main concern is what's best for the children- not the adoptive family.  We wanted to work with an agency who we knew was advocating for the children and not just trying to find kids to place in families.  

We have quite a few friends who have used them for adoptions, so we knew it was an agency we could trust. 

It won't make the process go any quicker.  But at this point in the game- timelines have gone out the window.  

We are just focusing on being present with the little one already in our home while we wait for our referral.  We've been able to connect with other families already in the pilot program, so that has been a huge help as we wait. 

So, there's not really a "wait list" at this point- just waiting on being matched with a child who is in our age range. 

2.  On a much shallower note- I'm now a brunette.  Granted, I've technically been a brunette for at least a decade, but I've been holding strong to those blond highlights I pay for every few months.  After asking Brian 4.2 million times what he thought about me dyeing my hair to a darker shade of brown, he finally told me to go do it and quit talking about it. 

So I did.  

And then we did an interview for the nightly news a day later. 

Good thing I liked it. 

Since that was debut of the new me- I'm pretty sure there were some folks in Montgomery who questioned whether I knew that Brian was refinancing a home with some random dark-haired woman....  

My Definition of Motherhood

My definition of motherhood has changed drastically over the past few years.

Ten years ago, I would have defined it as a woman who birthed or adopted a child and then raised them in their home.  A mother would be a primary caregiver- full of love, good cooking, and hugs.

Some of that definition remains true, yet I've realized how much I missed the mark on what true motherhood is.

Motherhood cannot and should not be compartmentalized into a 50's sitcom.  It is so much broader and richer than June Cleaver and Mrs. Brady.

I have not birthed or adopted a child. Yet I am a mother.

For five months this past year, we had a 20 year old young man living with us to get on his feet.  He needed a place to stay, guidance on his future, stability, and love.

There is another young man in our lives whose mom currently lives 500 miles away.  He has no place to stay, so he lives with his girlfriend's family while he finishes high school.  He watched his father pass away in front of him a few years ago.  He has no family here.  He calls my husband and I, "Mom and Dad."

We have a foster baby that has been living in our home the past six months.  He is in state custody but we provide his everyday necessities- food, clothing, snuggles, and lots and lots and lots of love.

I did not birth or adopt any of these young men.  But they are my sons.

Motherhood has many different faces and each one of them is so significant.

The woman who birthed their children.
The woman who adopted their children.
The woman who chose another family to care for the child she birthed.
The woman who fosters children.
The woman who raises their sister's and brother's children.
The woman who raises her children's children.
The woman who raises their kids as a single parent.
The woman who shares parenting roles because of divorce and remarriage.
The woman who mentors young men and women.
The woman who waits for a child in their heart but not yet in their hands.
The woman who has lost little ones too early.
The woman who spends her weekends loving on kids in the housing projects downtown.
The woman who cares for children at an orphanage somewhere around the world.
The woman who has a child in an orphanage across the ocean.

Being a mother does not always include a shared DNA.  It is not just about home-cooked meals and bedtime stories.

To be a mother to someone is to impart wisdom, guidance, empathy, compassion, hugs, tears, smiles, laughter, joy, discipline, nurture, and love.

May you never feel inadequate because your reality of "motherhood" looks different. Your story has been designed distinctly and uniquely for YOU.

I pray you feel valued and loved today and everyday, because your role in this world as a mother is significant and desperately needed.

A Letter to My Fourth-Graders.....I mean, College Graduates....

I took my first teaching job just outside of Atlanta in 1999. I was fresh out of college, new to the big city, and looking about seventeen years old.   I actually wasn't much older.... a whopping 22 and given a classroom of twenty-five kids.  Who allowed that???


My first class of students were fourth graders and I absolutely adored them.  I somehow lucked out with a bunch of really sweet kids who got along and listened to a teacher that could have been their older sister.


Those kids are graduating from college this month.  Gulp.
(Well, most of them.  There are some on the five and six year plans- much love for y'all too)


This is my letter to them.




To my Crabapple Crossing Fourth grade class of 1999,


First of all, thank you.  When you walked into my classroom on that August morning, you had no idea that I was a nervous wreck and pretty sure I was going to ruin all of you for life during your year with me. I had been put in charge of twenty-five precious, vulnerable minds and was expected to actually teach you things that you would take into the rest of your life.  Yowsers.  Quite a challenge.


Thankfully, you were up for the challenge.  You were willing to learn, you asked funny (and sometimes inappropriate) questions, and you made me want to come to work everyday.  I loved my year with you.  So much in fact, that I moved up with you went you went to fifth grade.  I got two great years with you.  You were my favorites.  Seriously.  (Ignore the fact I told all my other classes that too.)


And then you graduated high school and I was there, with tears in my eyes, watching you walk and get your diplomas, wondering how time flew by so fast.  I wrote you Red Letters, encouraging you as you stepped into college.  Prayed for you as you went off to UGA, Auburn, GA Tech, Alabama....


Four years later, you are walking to get another diploma.  And somehow I'm still only turning 25 this year.  It's amazing, huh?


If I could tell you a few things as you graduate  from college this month- here is what I want you to know....


1. This is your time to GO.  It is the best time of your life to travel where you've always wanted-  you have decades ahead of you to work at that job, find your significant other, buy your dream home....   THIS is the time to travel, to serve, to go where you feel like you are being called.  Move away from good ol' Alpharetta- experience other parts of the country or even the world.  You can always come home.  And mom will be there to hug you. 


2. Don't settle.  Now that you are potentially heading out to the "real" world, you've got some decisions to make.  Where you need to work, where to put down roots, who to marry....all questions you may feel that need to be figured out ASAP.  They don't.  You don't need to take the first job that comes along.  You don't need to marry your college sweetheart.  They may be great, but if they aren't the best, don't fall into the trap of getting engaged/married just because that's what everyone does.   You've got all the time in the world - don't settle for the first thing that comes along because that's what everyone else may be doing.  


3. Be a game-changer.  You are leaving college with a fresh perspective, new ideas, and a willingness to work.  Use those gifts to change the world.  There is lots to be done to make this world healthier, safer, and a better place.  Please be a part of the change.  My generation and those older than me NEED your heart and your vision to partner and build on what we've been doing. 


I am so, so proud of the men and women you have become and thankful to have walked a small part of the journey with you. Thank you for the sweet memories you gave me 13 years ago. 


Praying for you as the next adventure begins in your life. 


GO.  Don't settle.  Be a Game-Changer.  And come visit if you're ever in Montgomery, AL.  


Love you all, 
Ms. Harris 

A Few Small Ways to Make a Big Difference...

Foster Care has gotten a bad rap over the years.  In fact, most people don't even entertain the idea of ever becoming a foster parent because of it's reputation.  I can say that was definitely me for many years.  


In just the past year, I've gotten to meet quite a few foster parents, some who having been fostering for decades, while others just a few years.  I often ask them what are some of their needs- because being a foster parent can be lonely.  Because of it's stinky reputation, some people in the community can't understand why in the world anyone would ever foster---And they stay far, far away from the situation.  


But foster care isn't scary, it's just a process that's often filled with a lot of unknowns.  The kids are kids- some need more nurturing and stability than others, but they are still kids.  


If you don't know any foster families in your area, I encourage you to get to know some.  


If you do know some families, here are a few ways that you and your family can help them.  While they may never ask for it, so many families would love to have the community come around and support them in the journey. 


1.  Pray for them.  The Foster Care process can be emotionally and physically draining.  Families who are fostering need a community around them who are praying for their journey.

     

    2.  Provide a meal.  Many times, a foster family has less than a days notice before taking in a child.  The first few weeks are often needed to get to know one another and establish a routine.  Some families can get babies as young as two days old, so sleep comes at a premium.  Having meals provided lifts a huge burden for families who have just taken in a child.

    3.  Donate baby clothes, diapers, wipes, or toys.  If you have these items sitting around your home, please consider giving them to a foster family.                      

    4.  If your state foster care system allows it, offer to babysit for the night or a few hours during the day to give the foster parents a breather or a night out together. 

    5.  When a schoolage child is brought into care, they often have academic delays or gaps.  Provide free tutoring to help them catch up. 

    6. If you are a semi-professional or professional photographer, offer your services for free to foster families.  Foster children do not often have any pictures of themselves, especially if they were taken from their home suddenly.  This is an amazing gift to them that will last a lifetime and provide them with memories to take with them. 

  

These may seem like small things- but they are potentially huge blessings to foster families!!!! 

 

Waiting and Moving

In a few weeks, we'll be at the anniversary of the launch of the ONEfamily ministry.  


It's the adoption/foster/orphan care ministry at our church that I've had the privilege of coordinating. Over the course of this year, it's evolved into something I'd never imagined.  


But to back up a bit......I honestly didn't want to start it/coordinate it/lead it... any and all of the above.  


That's was someone else's job.  Someone who was more qualified.  Someone who had already adopted or fostered, for goodness sake. 


How in the world could I promote and help lead a ministry about orphan care/adoption/foster care when I hadn't done any of that? 


Sure, I wanted the thousands of folks who attend our church to be educated about the millions of orphans around the world. I wanted our church to start doing something about it. 


And yes, we were in the process of international adoption at that point, hoping for a referral at any time, but I wanted to WAIT until we brought our child home. 


I thought it was best to hold off really getting involved until I had gotten my feet wet and had "proof" adoption worked. 


I had decided it would be better for me to get involved in a bigger capacity when people could see that adoption had a face, and that if we could do it, so could they. 


For always thinking how right I am about everything....it's amazing how wrong I often end up being. 


What if I had waited?  


A year later, we are seemingly no closer to our child in the DRC.  Still waiting and praying for a referral. 


If I had waited, I would not have heard a young, married woman in our church share with over 120 people who came to the ONEfamily orientation about her life growing up in the foster care system.   My heart would not have had the chance to connect with her honest plea for our church to step up and provide loving, caring homes for foster children.  


If I had waited, there wouldn't have been a meeting with our DHR social workers that would establish a training class to be held at our church in the fall.  


If I had waited, Brian and I wouldn't have taken that Foster Care Class. 


If I had waited, we wouldn't have the joy and the privilege of fostering this beautiful, precious one who has been in our home for the last five months. The little one who has dramatically and amazingly changed our lives in such a short time. 


If I had waited, we may have not had the opportunity to be fostering alongside seven other new, foster families who took in a combined total of 17 children this year so far.


Too many times, I've waited to jump because everything wasn't aligned or shaping up exactly how I had planned.  


I refused to move because it wasn't comfortable, I felt like I wasn't fit for the task, or I felt like someone else could do it better. 


There's a time and a season for waiting.  It's not always wise to run head-long into every opportunity. 


But there's a time and a season for moving as well.  And all too often, we wait to move because everything isn't lined up right and all the pieces aren't in place. 


I wonder how much we miss out on.


I pray that by our second anniversary of ONEfamily, we WILL have our little one home from the DRC.  But while we're waiting, we've got to keep moving too.   


The growth of this ministry has nothing to do with my vision - because, quite honestly, I imagined we'd have a ministry focused on adoption.  We'd see many families step out in faith and start the process.  A year later- that's not the case. 


Instead, we've become a ministry that is focusing on caring for the Least of These in our own city.  Involving families in a process, foster care, that is usually viewed as scary and wayyyyyy too uncomfortable by the general population. 


Despite the reputation that fostering has, I've watched family after family step out and decide to foster this year.  I've seen how their decision to move has brought them a new perspective on love and grace as they care for these little ones.  And it's changing the lives of those around them too.  


All because families decided to move.  Everything wasn't tied up in a neat package- their biological kids weren't the perfect age, they hadn't updated everything in their house that they wanted to, they weren't sure how adding other children would mix with the family dynamic...  but they moved.  And they found out that having all the pieces together didn't matter anyway. 


So, what about you? Are you waiting when you should be moving? Clinging to the comfortable because letting go has too many unknowns?  Holding out until everything has lined up perfectly? 


It's time to move.   


Would love to hear what that looks like in your life!  

The Laundry Can Wait.

Today was one of those days where not one thing I had planned on doing got accomplished.  Our little guy has a cold and had no plans of taking his daily long afternoon nap.  At least not in his crib.  Instead, I spent four hours holding him, which was not how I intended to spend my afternoon.  I had laundry to do, dishes to finish,  a house to clean and a bazillion emails to send.  

But as I was sitting on the couch, with that little cutie snuggled in my arms, suddenly my to-do's went away....  

And I was left looking at a pair of big brown eyes staring back at me, a perfect nose, and a toothless mouth full of coos and squeals.  

What a reminder to cherish each second with this precious gift.  

For our family, it's a bittersweet reality that we are NOT promised tomorrow with him.  Though we are given timeframes and estimations, he could be moved at any point and it will be over. 

Instead of worrying about what I needed to get accomplished on my never-ending list and instead of focusing on his future--- what he should be doing developmentally in three more months, or how he compares to other babies his age, or when he'll start walking..... I'm enjoying him today.  

*How he's extremely ticklish and his great belly laughs prove it. 

*His little head turning at the sound of our voices. 

*The way he grabs his feet with his hands and is just about to roll over. 

*How he sleeps sprawled in his crib with his hands above his head. 

He is a precious, perfect gift.  Though he is not technically "ours," he has our hearts.  He's teaching me to be thankful for the time that I am given each day and to cherish every minute I have with him.  

One day, Brian and I will have children permanently in our home, through adoption, biologically, or even our little one we have now-  and I pray I will continue to view them as a daily gift and not a burden.  

And as a mom who currently has one child she loves that is not promised to her, I challenge you to be present and cognizant of each day you are given with the children in your life who have been entrusted and promised for a lifetime to you.  

Even if that baby hasn't slept through the night, or your seven year old won't quit whining, or your fourteen year old refuses to clean up their room-  cherish each day with the gifts in your home.  

Cherish who they are today.  Not who they should be or what you want them or hope for them to be in the coming years and months.  Quit comparing them to your neighbors kids or their classmates.  Love them right where they are and celebrate the little things that today brings.  

The laundry can wait.

5 Things on Facebook I Could do Without.

1.  The "Pose." 
Dear Sweet, Beautiful, Well-Toned College Girls, 
That pose you do in all your pictures? You know, where you stand with back arched, chin tilted up, hair cascading down your back, and hand on your hip?  No more, please.  It's time for a new pose and YOU can be the one to start the trend! 
Plus, you're in the best shape of your life.  What you think is a flabby arm now will be viewed as perfection once you hit your mid-thirties.  Promise. 


2. Your Dinner. 
Dear foodies, 
I am in awe that you attempted to make a spinach/red pepper/arugula frittata...but I don't need to see a picture of it. It's also okay for you to keep the photos of what you ordered for Sunday brunch at the newest restaurant in town to yourself.  
I'm all for sharing....your actual dinner. Not a picture of it. 


3. How many miles you ran. 
Dear Marathoners and Crossfit Crazies, 
I haven't kept up my streak of not going to the gym for a good six months to fail now.  All of your double-digit "daily" runs and "tough-mudder" races are making me feel a little lazy.  So quit being so active.  You're making me, I mean, the rest of us look bad. 


4.  Your beach pictures. 
Dear Spring Breakers, 
I've had enough.  Enough of the pictures of the gorgeous white sand.  The clear blue ocean. The sundresses. The tans. 
My jealousy for all things beach is at it's peak.  So no more pictures of you building sand castles and frolicking pool side.  Stop rubbing it in. 


5.  Pictures of me from twenty years ago. 
Dear Old Friends,
Quit trying to wreck my life.  Every picture you put up only worsens the ridicule and abuse I get from my husband and those that got to know me post middle and high school.  


Yes, I had really big eyebrows.  (Why did no one tell me????).  Yes, I may have worn a Nightgown with Garfield on it.  Yes, I may have liked turtlenecks and worn them daily.  


But.....what's past is past.  Let's leave those old photos tucked away in our memory boxes under our beds. You know it's a lot of trouble to scan those suckers onto your computer anyway.