Dear Sweet, Beautiful, Well-Toned College Girls,
That pose you do in all your pictures? You know, where you stand with back arched, chin tilted up, hair cascading down your back, and hand on your hip? No more, please. It's time for a new pose and YOU can be the one to start the trend!
Plus, you're in the best shape of your life. What you think is a flabby arm now will be viewed as perfection once you hit your mid-thirties. Promise.
2. Your Dinner.
I am in awe that you attempted to make a spinach/red pepper/arugula frittata...but I don't need to see a picture of it. It's also okay for you to keep the photos of what you ordered for Sunday brunch at the newest restaurant in town to yourself.
I'm all for sharing....your actual dinner. Not a picture of it.
3. How many miles you ran.
Dear Marathoners and Crossfit Crazies,
I haven't kept up my streak of not going to the gym for a good six months to fail now. All of your double-digit "daily" runs and "tough-mudder" races are making me feel a little lazy. So quit being so active. You're making
4. Your beach pictures.
Dear Spring Breakers,
I've had enough. Enough of the pictures of the gorgeous white sand. The clear blue ocean. The sundresses. The tans.
My jealousy for all things beach is at it's peak. So no more pictures of you building sand castles and frolicking pool side. Stop rubbing it in.
5. Pictures of me from twenty years ago.
Dear Old Friends,
Quit trying to wreck my life. Every picture you put up only worsens the ridicule and abuse I get from my husband and those that got to know me post middle and high school.
Yes, I had really big eyebrows. (Why did no one tell me????). Yes, I may have worn a Nightgown with Garfield on it. Yes, I may have liked turtlenecks and worn them daily.
But.....what's past is past. Let's leave those old photos tucked away in our memory boxes under our beds. You know it's a lot of trouble to scan those suckers onto your computer anyway.