Letting Today Be Enough

I'm a horrible waiter.

And I don't mean the restaurant kind.

I'm notoriously impatient behind slow drivers, I occasionally interrupt folks taking too long to get to their point, and I read books quickly so that I can find out what happens at the end.

If you've ever taken a personality profile test, this is me in nutshell.

As you can see, I'm a do-er, results oriented, and pretty darn self-sufficient.

(Reading that profile also makes me out to be an incredibly boring human.)

Basically, I love to do things myself and I stink at waiting.

Enter the past few years, where ironically, waiting has pretty much become the story of my life.

Waiting on our international adoption to be completed.

Waiting on our J-man's future to be determined.

Waiting on biological children.

Waiting for the day when I finally feel adjusted in Montgomery.

Waiting, waiting and more waiting.

So many aspects of our life are unfinished and messy.  Exactly the kind of thing that drives me cuh-razy.

It's as if I'm supposed to be learning life lesson through all this or something...

In early February, I headed with Tyson to the local Social Security office to get him his very own social security number.  It didn't go so well, and we left with our paperwork and the words "Homeland Security verification needed" and "3-4 weeks wait time."

Four weeks later, I called back, hoping to hear something positive.  Nope.  Our case was still being verified.

Fast forward to this past Monday, which was an additional four weeks later, and another phone call to the Social Security office.  This time, I'm told there is no record of our paperwork that is supposedly being verified by Homeland Security.  I would need to come in again and resubmit our documents. Could I be there the next morning?

Um....what?

Next day, I'm there bright and early as the doors open, hoping to get this cleared up.  Again, they can't figure out how to code his documents correctly to garner a Social Security number for our boy.  Homeland Security verification, here we go again.  Four more weeks.

On top of that, because there are some discrepancies on Tyson's name on his Green Card and Visa, the officer at Social Security told me we'd have to resubmit everything to Homeland Security for a correct green card, then change his name in our state court, and then reapply for a Social Security number with his corrected name.  All of it would take months to finish and loads more paperwork.

Tired of filling out paperwork and on the verge of tears, I left and further fumed about it on my car ride home.

Waiting and waiting and waiting.

In frustration, I called Brian to vent.

His response: "The good news is that Tyson is in our home, not across the ocean.  He's home, Les, we'll work the rest out in time."

The nerve of that man.

I'm trying to have a pity party over here and he is ruining it.

And then there is our J-man's story, which is still unfolding.  Things are moving very slowly in his case due to a backlog in the court system and so we wait and wait and wait for the next step in his future.

We have an amazing array of social workers, resource workers, and a guardian ad liteum that are fighting for the best and safest permanency for J-man. But even they can't move things along any quicker.

I get pretty frustrated as each day passes and we have no word of our next court hearing. In another conversation this week with Brian, I was lamenting on the snail's pace that J-man's case was taking. I want it finished, I want a happy ending, and I want it now.

Brian's response: "He's still in our home, Les, and we need to celebrate that.  He's with us today, let's focus on that."

How dare he bring gratefulness into the conversation when I am clearly trying to whine.

In all honesty, there doesn't seem to be a part in our lives right now where we are not being asked to wait.

We are waiting on answers that have been a long time coming.  It's been years for some, months for others, and all of them are completely out of my control.

Frankly, I don't like it.

Despite my distaste for waiting, the fact of the matter is, the wait still exists.

So, thanks to some gentle reminders from my husband, I'm working on my focus.

When I spend my time thinking and stewing over what I'm still waiting for. . .

          ~Tyson's U.S. documentation finalized

          ~J-man's permanency plan

          ~Our inability to have a biological child

          ~Life in Montgomery to be easy as I'd like it to be

. . .then I am missing out on my life.  My one life.  The one that's flying by at a rapid rate of speed.

I don't want to live in such a way where I am always pining for future wants, needs, or events. That is a slippery slope of envy, bitterness and ingratitude.

Spending my time focused on what I'm waiting for means is that I live like today isn't enough.

Today, with it's frustrations, laughter, mistakes, and joy has to be enough.  Brian and I have already missed out on years with TD, five months with Tyson, and potentially years with J-man if he leaves our home.  For that simple reason, each and every day is a treasured gift for our family.  I need to be IN IT,  instead of continually dreaming about what things will look like when all my waiting is finally over.

I have been entrusted with the care of three beautiful lives, a wonderful man, a home with ample room, and a job that allows me to be home at an integral part of the boys lives. I want my family, Brian and the boys, to know and truly believe that they are enough.  Who they are today will be celebrated, loved, and appreciated.   

Admittedly, I have spent too much of my time waiting for an outcome, (preferably MY outcome), to the unanswered questions in our life.

No longer.

Today has to be enough.  

Some of you are right there with me.

Waiting on that job.

Waiting on him.

Waiting on a child.

Waiting on a cure.

Waiting on that raise.

Waiting for them to change.

Waiting for this season to end.

There are many of you who have been waiting a long time too.  I'm walking this road with you. The fact is, there will always be something we can wait for in this life.

Let's allow our today to be enough.

It has to be, my friends.  It's all we have.

Simple

We kept it real simple today.

Church.

Naps for everyone.

Easter Egg Hunt.

That's all.

It was perfect.

Easter is such a treasured day for me.

The Cross and the Empty Tomb hold the promise of hope and redemption.

It is the reminder of new life, full of fresh perspective and purpose.

As we have become parents of three boys from varying backgrounds of trauma, loss, and pain, this Easter holds an even deeper grip on my heart.

Easter is the promise that our past no longer must define us because HE took it all on the Cross.  By HIS wounds, we are healed.

I earnestly pray that one day, all of my boys will take their stories, their doubts and their wounds and lay them at the foot of the Cross and the ONE who is the ultimate Comforter and Healer.

For now, we pray over them daily, that our boys would become men who would use their stories for good.  That they would become men of integrity and honor and stand up for those that have no voice. We pray that they would never doubt that they are loved, by us and by the One who created them.  We pray that they would come to understand just what today is all about - hope, forgiveness, and profound joy.

And today, with two under two, we had some easter egg fun.

Toddlers + Hats = absurd amounts of cuteness.

         

J-man collecting eggs with his best friend.

Don't you wish I could show you that cute face of his???? Me too. 

Tyson's job was to sit on the blanket and look cute. 

Eyelashes.  Jeesh. 

Neck rolls are totally smoochable.  (Well, on babies, that is.)

Tyson found some eggs too! 

Happy Easter from our family to yours!

Foster Care Q&A: Decisions, Expenses, and the Biological Family

This is the second installment of the Foster Care Q&A Series.  If you missed the first post, Foster Care: The Basics, please take a moment and read it first.

Disclaimer: Each state has their own Foster Care rules and regulations.  I will try and answer questions as basic and broad as possible, but will be speaking from our experience as foster parents in Alabama.  I encourage you to research your state Department of Human Resources or independent Foster Care Agencies to learn more. 

1.  Can you decide what ages and gender of the children you will foster? 
     Yes.  As a foster parent, you have the right to set parameters on your age range, gender preference, physical and emotional disabilities.  When a social worker calls you with a potential placement, they will be giving you as much information as they know. There is a quick turnaround time between removal of the child from their home and placement into a foster home.  It's important to take note that they often do not have a full medical history of the child.  As a foster parent, you must be flexible and willing to accept that children may come into your home with more medical or emotional issues than first determined by the social worker.

2. Do foster parents get reimbursed for expenses related to the child? 
     Foster Parents receive a monthly subsidy for each child in their home.  This is to cover their "room and board."  In addition, foster children are on Medicaid and any additional medical expenses are paid by the state department of social services.  In Alabama, and most likely other states, foster children under the age of five are eligible for WIC (Women, Infants, Children Food/Nutrition Program).  This program provides a monthly supplement of formula for infants or basic food necessities for toddlers.  This is a great help to foster parents with food costs.

3.  How much interaction will the child have with their biological family while in foster care? 
     The court system will decide how much interaction the biological family will have with one another. The purpose of foster care is first and foremost always reunification.  The court system will give the family as many chances as possible that are safe for the child and will provide an opportunity for the biological family and child to maintain their bond.  It could be a weekly supervised visit at the Department of Human Resources, an unsupervised visit at on a Saturday afternoon, or overnight visits to the birth family, to name a few examples.

4.  Does the foster parent have much face to face interaction with the biological family? 
     It often depends on the specific case of the child.  There will be times where the biological family is deemed too dangerous and a threat to the safety of the child and therefore, interaction is not encouraged.  In other cases, if the foster parent feels comfortable and reunification is the end goal for the child, interaction may be a good idea.  For example, the parents of the child may accompany the foster parent to the child's doctor appointments or come to the child's soccer games.

Foster Care Q&A: Part 3 Coming Soon! 

If you are a foster parent in another state and want to add or clarify anything, please email me at leslieharris77 (at) gmail (dot) com.  Would love to have your input. 

Looking for some other blogs of Foster Parents around the country? Head over here for a huge list of foster care blogs. 

Have more questions after reading this?  Leave them in the comments below or send me an email! 

Mushy Brain

 I'm a firm believer in getting a solid eight hours of sleep.

Brian heartily agrees that is best for me and our marriage.

Tyson does not hold the same belief system.

He prefers sleeping in increments of one to two hours at a time and has successfully mastered it for the past three weeks.

I. am. tired.

My brain is mushy and I am only able to write complete sentences today because he actually slept for seven hours straight last night.  Or I was so exhausted that I didn't hear him.

Either way, Hallelujah, Praise the Lord, and Amen.

I've got some thoughts swirling in my head, but until I get a wee bit more sleep in this body, it's best I not put anything down in writing.

It's better for everyone if I just stick to pictures today.

There is a small window of time in Montgomery, some call it Spring, where the humidity is low and the temperatures are mild.  Usually it lasts about six days.  Then it's 105 degrees and 250% humidity for the next six months.

It's been downright Springy around here, so we have been outside as much as possible.

Is he not the most smoochable????  Looking at this ridiculously adorable face makes me almost forget he keeps me up most of the night.   Almost.  When he is a teenager I will find a way to get him back.

J-man watching the big boys work on a project.  LOVE this picture. 

Bandit sharing the secrets of why he digs holes all over our backyard.

Tyson appears concerned at the news.

Sweet pigeon-toed and bow-legged J-man. Kind of thankful for it at this stage because the boy is super quick.  And I am not.  This gives me a slight advantage when he's running in the opposite direction. 

Family Time at the zoo.  J-man is in his favorite place- on Daddy's shoulders.

Monkeys in cages?  I'm not impressed.  They were on side of every road in Congo.    
This is what you call entertainment?

Our zoo has a playground! Our yearly membership is worth the price in swings.

 Swinging is fun! 

And in the spirit of full disclosure, my friends...

What I look like 5% of the time these days.
Showered, makeup applied and wearing clothes that don't embarrass my family.

And the other  95%.
 Black yoga pants (duh),
7 yr old t-shirt,  and not so much showered.
Keepin' it real, peeps.
 It ain't pretty, but man, it's comfortable. 

A Picture of Hope

The last post I wrote was filled with the stark reality of injustice and suffering in our world.  One picture said it all.

Today I want to start off with this picture.

Our adoption facilitator took this photo of Mama Isabelle a few days ago.  This is our Tyson's amazing DRC foster mama, holding her newest babies that will one day be united with their forever families in the United States.

She is a picture of hope.

The foster children placed in her care have suffered loss and trauma.  Everything they've known has been taken from them and is about to be turned upside down again upon meeting their new adoptive family.

Mama Isabelle is a tender rock and refuge for these children in transition.  She knows that the little ones placed in her care are not to remain for long.  It may be five months, eight months, or a year, but it will be temporary.  Despite that truth, she digs in and loves those children with a selfless heart and unconditional love.  And those children are given a gift of a lifetime through that care and attention.

One woman.  Providing hope a few children at a time.

Hope.

It's where we've got to focus.

Because when we lose hope, then we stop moving.

When we lose hope, we stop growing.

When we lose hope, we do nothing.

We can't lose hope.

We need to be a part of doing SOMEthing.

We can no longer ignore the harsh reality that exists for children in other parts of the world.  Once you have seen it, you are no longer able to deny it.

We've all seen it. Now let's do something.

I want to offer you some opportunities to get connected with great organizations working in the DRC.  These aren't organizations aimed at removing children from the country, (because adoption is just one solution, not the only solution) but rather non-profits who are dedicated to reconnecting families, helping small businesses grow, and protecting the least of these in the country.

They are providing hope to one person at a time.

Take a look at these links and learn how you can play a role.

Hope International and Kiva:   With as little as a $25 donation, you can be a part of providing a microfinance loan to help someone in the world out of poverty.  These are two great organizations providing financial services to people living in poverty around the world.  

Tumaini:  An organization helping care for orphans in Eastern Congo. Tumaini means "hope" in Swahili. Amazing organization- please check it out!

World Vision:  World Vision works in over 100 countries, including the DRC.  You can choose a child to support monthly, which will enable them to remain with their family, get an education, and proper nutrition.  You are given regular updates on the child, their education, and their family.

So many of you asked about what you could do, which I love! These are just a few options, friends, of playing a role. For those hoping to help with the orphanage in the picture, our agency facilitator is working on learning more about specific needs and assuring that items donated will go directly to the children.  More info to come!


If you have other non-profit agencies that are working in the DRC and you'd like to share, please link them in the comments below!

The Pictures That Have Undone Me

We were sitting on the floor, playing with the boys yesterday.  J-man was in full speed 16 month-old mode, running circles around us while Tyson sat on his blanket, happily chewing on whatever toy was closest to him.

Brian looked at me and asked, "I wonder what Tyson would be doing right now if he was still in the DRC."

It was just a rhetorical question, really meant for us to think on, rather than answer.  So rather than try to guess, we both just looked over in gratefulness at our little one, home with us now for seven weeks.

A few hours later, the pictures came.

One of our adoption facilitators is in the DRC right now.  She is visiting orphanages and foster homes that they are either working with or hope to start working with in the near future.

She and a few other adoptive moms that are in country right now. They are spending their time  delivering packages to children who have already been referred to families, giving a goat and a bag of rice to each foster home, and dropping off food and small toys to orphanages that are in desperate need.

They posted pictures of their visits to the orphanages yesterday.

Friends, no one will ever be able to convince me that the best place for a child is in an orphanage.

NEVER.

I'm not going to tell you that international adoption is the only answer.  Because it isn't.

But THIS is not okay.

This photo was taken yesterday.  These little ones are eating a piece of bread and tea.  Their meal for the day.  What you cannot see in the picture are the older children who are standing in the back and not eating because there was not enough food.  The orphanage directors give the little ones food first because they need it more to survive.

Our friends gave some money to the director for the older children and they were able to eat yesterday. But tomorrow there is no guarantee.

In another picture, (that I cannot show you because of privacy reasons), eight month old twins lie on a sheet on the ground, just recently brought to another orphanage.  About the size of newborns, their legs are spindly and all bone.  The orphanage is doing all they can to nurse them to health, though they have limited resources to do it.  The twins have been assigned their own "mama" who shoos away the flies and watches them at all times.  They are taken to the hospital to eat to make sure they are getting enough formula, but not too much that their tummies can't handle it.  Even with this care, there is no guarantee that they will make it.

Some of the children in these photos are currently adoptable.  Because there is no known family, they COULD be in a forever family.  They are waiting.  Spending their days like this.

There are children in the orphanages that are not adoptable yet or maybe not ever.  It is even more important that another option be opened up to them.  It may be that the biological family could care for them with a little outside help every month to feed and clothe them.  Or perhaps group homes formed that would place a smaller number of children under the care of a "Mama" and "Papa," providing more one on one care.

Our friends didn't make it to the orphanage yesterday where Tyson started out.  They hope to visit it later in the week.  We don't know much of our son's history. There are bits and pieces that we will share with him and him alone one day.  But we do know he was referred to us because there was no family found to care for him.

Tears rolled down my face as I showed the pictures to Brian yesterday evening.  This could have been our Tyson's story.  He could very easily have been one of those toddlers sitting on the floor.

He isn't.

But this IS reality for many children in the DRC right now.

And when I look in our Tyson's face, with his beautiful skin, perfectly curled eyelashes and gummy, drooling smile, I am reminded of the millions of other children in the DRC considered orphans.  I cannot help but see the children living in orphanages; sleeping 3 and 4 to a bed that often has no mattress, eating once a day, and confined to a small spaces with few toys or basic necessities.

These aren't children from the pages of National Geographic magazine or commercial.

They are living, breathing children of God who are in NEED.

Optimally, the answer will always be reunification with birth family.  In the DRC, poverty is so severe, that often families cannot take care of extended members.

That doesn't mean it cannot happen though.

For those without known biological family, adoption can be an option.  The process can be costly, emotionally draining, and long.  But without hesitation, I will tell you it is worth the wait and the cost.

I write about adoption and orphan care often and I know I sound like a broken record.  But I can't make apologies.

We have been given much.  Our lives are filled with multiples cars, homes that are warm and clean, beds that are comfortable, and pantries that are stocked.

I believe there is much to be done with those gifts.

So whether that means you open your home to welcome in children through adoption or give to non-profits that you trust who are doing the legwork in various countries to solve the orphan crisis, I ask you to consider doing something.

I've been to the DRC.  I have seen it.  I can assure you. . .  It. Is. Reality.

And just because it isn't OUR everyday reality, doesn't mean it isn't real.

Until there are no more three year-olds holding a piece of bread and cup of tea, lined up sitting on a concrete floor, I will keep asking you to DO SOMETHING.

Foster Care Q&A: The Basics

Disclaimer: Each state has their own Foster Care rules and regulations.  I will try and answer questions as basic and broad as possible, but will be speaking from our experience as foster parents in Alabama.  I encourage you to research your state Department of Human Resources or independent Foster Care Agencies to learn more. 

Let's start with some of the basics! 

1. Who can become Foster Parents? 

• Adults (In Alabama, it's 19 years old and up)
• Married Couples
• Singles

2.  What is required to become a Foster Parent? 

• Background Checks
• Child Abuse and Neglect Forms 
• Home Study and Home Visit by the Social Worker
• Classes (In AL you are required to complete a 10-week, 30 hour class)
• Your home meets the state standards for eligibility to foster

3.  What are the types of Foster Parents? 

• Respite Parents - Provide short-term care for foster children.  Respite trained foster parents can take emergency placements for a few days, weekend, or a week.  When full-time foster parents need a break, have an emergency, or need to leave the state and are unable to take the foster children, Respite Parents provide care for their foster children.  

• Full-time Foster Parents - Licensed to provide care for foster children in their home.  The number of children allowed in the home is dependent on the size of the home and number of bedrooms. 

4. Why are children placed in Foster Care? 

• Neglect - When Social Services investigates a family for neglect allegations and the children are not in imminent danger, then they will often try to put services in place to allow the biological family to continue raising the children.  If those services are not successful and there is no immediate or extended family available to care for them, then the children are removed from the home and put into foster care.

• Abuse - Physical and sexual.  Allegations of abuse that have been confirmed result in the child being removed from the home. 

• Drug or Alcohol Abuse - If the child is born to a mother addicted to drugs and tests positive for the drug, they are taken immediately from the mother and put into foster care. 

• If a biological parent has all of their children currently in foster care and they become pregnant again, the child will immediately be placed into foster care upon their birth. (In the state of Alabama). 

Foster Care Q&A Part 2 coming soon! 

If you are a foster parent in another state and want to add or clarify anything, please email me at leslieharris77 (at) gmail (dot) com.  Would love to have your input. 

Have more questions after reading this?  Leave them in the comments below or send me an email! 

The Reality of Aging Out

In 2009, nearly 40% of children in foster care were over the age of twelve.  Over one third of them were living in institutional foster care settings, as compared to less than 4% of children under the age of 12.  Estimations based on the national system indicate that a youth in foster care changes placements every six months.

Adolescence is one of the most difficult times in life. It's a period where we are desperately searching to find our place and to be accepted and loved.  We are trying to figure out who we are, what we believe in and whether we are worth something to anyone.  

Most kids today are working through all of that in a stable home environment.  Not our nation's foster children.  These children, who already have had their freedom and their voice taken away upon entering the foster care system, are often left to navigate the rough waters of adolescence alone.

It's inexcusable.

Over a third of our foster teens are living in an institution, not a family.  They do not have someone asking about their day, checking on their homework, consoling them through a break-up, or cheering them at their basketball game.

No one is praying for them, encouraging them, challenging them, or just plain doing life with them.

Teenagers in foster care who have not been adopted face an overwhelmingly bleak future.

Foster Care laws vary state by state, but most children "age out" of foster care between 18 and 21.

What does that mean?

Teens who "age out" are no longer provided with resources and services by the state.  Once they leave the system, they must find their own living arrangements, job, transportation, and meet their own daily needs.

Here is why that is troubling.

• 50% of teens in foster care drop out of high school.

• 60% of them will be homeless, go to jail, or die within one year of leaving the foster care system at age 18.

• Girls in foster care are 600% more likely than the general population to become pregnant before the age of 21.

• 3 in 10 of the nation's homeless are former foster children.

• Only 7-13% of foster children enroll in higher education.

• 1% of former foster children earn a college degree.

Bleak.

These are the forgotten children.

Most would agree that it is a whole lot easier to love a chubby-cheeked nine month-old baby who just came into foster care than a surly, brash teenage girl who has been in care for over a decade.  

But that surly, brash teenage girl was once nine months old.  She once lived with a biological family, and somewhere along the way, things went horribly wrong.  She has since suffered because of the decisions of those who were meant to protect her.  Years, memories, and dreams have been stolen from her.  And it's not her fault. 

Children in foster care do not have a voice.  They do not get to decide where they go and with which family they will be placed.

Once they hit adolescence, there are very few people left fighting for them.

And that's when they need it most.

So what can be done?

1.  Become a foster parent to teens.  It's not a job for everyone, but it's a job for someone.  Could that be your family? Contact your local Social Services department to inquire about the needs, requirements, and training required.

2.  Give, Donate, Encourage. There are great organizations that come alongside teens aging out of the foster care system.  Take a minute to check them out and see if you want to be a part.

The Camellia Network. Supporting specific former foster teens who have aged out by helping them with college, finding a job, and providing a gift registry to assist them in getting on their feet.

Do 1 Thing.  Foster Care and Homelessness often coincide. Do 1 Thing is an organization dedicated to helping out our nation's homeless youth, many of whom are former foster children.  You can find a listing of organizations by state that are doing something to help eradicate homelessness here.

3. Become a Mentor.  It's a disheartening reality, but adoption isn't going to happen for many adolescents in foster care.  That is all the more reason that we need to fight to make sure they are not  forgotten or ignored. 

Mentoring a foster child is where a relationship is built without the child living full-time in the home. There are many ways that it can look; time spent hanging out, going to eat, offering wisdom and guidance, a shoulder to cry on, or even just a sounding board for a teen who never has anyone that listens to them. This is a role that can be life-changing, for both the mentor and the teen. Everyone needs someone who has their back, is going to fight for them, and encourages them to dream about the future.  

Becoming a Mentor looks different in every state.  Contact your local Social Services, or faith-based Foster Care program in your county or state.  

In Alabama, you can contact the Department of Human Resources, Alabama Baptist Children's Homes, or United Methodist Children's Homes. 

If we start REALLY investing in our foster children, imagine the possibilities. . .

• Education, college, and careers can become a reality for them, not just a pipe dream

• Fewer inmates in our prison system

• Fewer unwanted/unplanned pregnancies 

• The generational cycle of abuse and neglect can stop 

By just CARING about a child and offering LOVE and TIME, it could impact our entire NATION.  

Wow. 

There are tangible ways to get involved WHEREVER you live in the United States.  

Someone needs to fight for them.  Will it be you? 


Statistics Found From the Following Sites: 
http://azhope.com/about/foster-care-statistics.php

http://www.journalismcenter.org/resource/child-welfare/foster-care-and-permanence

http://www.childtrends.org/Files/Child_Trends-2011_11_01_RB_TeenParentsFC.pdf

http://amarillo.com/news/local-news/2012-06-24/what-comes-next

Conversation hearts, Hash Tags, and Disproportionate Heads

Well, it been raining here for the past five days which means a few things.  

1. Everyone is stuck in the house, including the dogs.  

2. Everyone is going crazy, including the dogs.  

It's been real fun. 

Knox and Bandit follow J-man around the house as he drop 75% percent of his snack on the floor.  While they are vacuuming the floor, he turns around, grabs their tails, and holds on for dear life.  They, thankfully, do nothing but look at me pleading with their eyes to be released from this horrible prison and let outside. 

I say no, because muddy dogs would require much more cleaning of my floors.  And I have priorities people, which lately have included eating candy conversation hearts (it's my last week to ingest their sugary goodness), updating the blog, and joining twitter. 

All of this, of course, is while my boys are napping, because momma ain't getting nothing else done when those two pipsqueaks are up and going.  Awake time is usually spent keeping J-man from either climbing into the fireplace, on top of his brother, or into very small crevices that all but his head are fitting into right now.  (I think God specifically planned that toddlers would have crazy disproportionate heads for that reason.)

In any case, in my small pieces of down-time, I've been gathering some thoughts for future blog topics and I'd like to follow up on this post from yesterday with one on the in's and out's of Foster Care. 

It's a scary topic for lots of folks and there are many preconceived notions associated with it.  I'd love to help dispel them and address some of the concerns. 

So, what questions do you have about foster care? Anything you've always wondered about, but felt weird asking? Now's your chance! 

I'd love to get your questions and answer them the best I can. Each state has their own foster care laws and system, but there are parts of the foster care that definitely apply nationwide. 

Please leave your questions in the comments or email me at leslieharris77 (at) gmail (dot) com. 

And. . . yes, I'm on Twitter.  

I'm a big proponent of not being anything close to cutting edge, so I like to wait a few years and see if something is really going to take off before I try it... (i.e. skinny jeans).  

It appears Twitter is starting to take off, so I joined. 
I have no idea what I'm doing yet on there, but... 

#imsureillfigureitoutbythetimetwitterisntcoolanymore   

#imexcitedtofinallyusehashtagsbutseriouslywhattheheckaretheyfor

#isthereacharacterlimitforhowlongahashtagcanbeorcanitgoonforeverandeveramen

Ok, I'm done. 

Come follow me @waitingonaword

Anyone organization or person that you think I should follow?  Let me know! 

Where Do I Start? Looking Into the Adoption Process.

Since starting this blog in December of 2010, I've had the privilege to be able to connect with many others who are interested in adoption and foster care.  

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE being able to help guide others to resources which assist them in deciding whether foster care or adoption is right for their family.  

The main reason I want to help others is because I believe this is the best way to research adoption.  When I was first starting out and looking into the various aspects of adoption, I found that the advice from current adoptive families was the biggest source of encouragement and education for our family as we decided on where to adopt from and how we were going to do it. 

And for those of you newcomers who have recently stumbled upon Waiting on a Word, you can check out our family story here. It will give you a little insight into how our family was formed and how it's possible to be married for less than four years and have an 18 year old son and two little boys eight months apart.  

If you are thinking that adoption or foster care may be in your future one day,  I want to share with you how I researched and what I think really allowed me to learn the most.  

When we first started thinking about adoption, I headed straight for the internet.  I'm a researcher by nature, and when I'm excited about something, I love finding out as much as I can about it.  

Nerd alert and proud of it. 

Brian and I had already decided which continent we were going to adopt from, (Africa), so I started out by googling adoption and which countries in Africa were open to adoption.  That led to specific agencies working in those countries.  Each agency website had their own adoption timeline, costs, and qualifications needed to adopt from a specific country. 

While it helped me narrow down our adoption options, it also led to being overwhelmed with information overload. The time frames and seemingly daunting costs to adopt all started running together and I ended up just being frustrated and confused. 

Plus, all these adoption websites looked very professional and ethical.  How would I know which one to choose? 

I started reading adoption agency reviews online, but found that I didn't really even know how to trust the people writing the reviews because they were strangers to me.  Some of them were anonymous opinions, so how did I know it wasn't the agency writing a great review about itself? 

That led me to blogs.  Prior to researching adoption, I had never been much of a blog reader.  But as I was looking up adoption, I found that there were MANY people who had lots to say about their adoption journeys. 

I found that families who shared their adoption journeys ended up being the most helpful to me as we decided on a country and path for our adoption.  I was able to see their faces and follow along on their personal timeline to complete their adoption.  When I located families who were using a specific agency that I was interested in learning more about, I would email them and ask for their personal opinion and whether they would recommend them.  Though I was happy to talk to anyone in the process, I found it was better to talk with families who had completed their adoptions, as they would have the most insight into the entire process.

If you followed our story from the beginning, you know our adoption had some bumps along the way and a couple of detours. (I would NOT recommend the route we took, but we are very happy with where we ended up!). 

It was because we had connected personally with so many families from our agency that we found how unethical it was after we were already in the process. We quickly severed our ties with them. Being connected to other families saved us a lot of money and heartache in the end. (If you want to see our adoption timeline, head over here.) 

"Things I Wish I Had Known From the Start of the Adoption Process"

*It's easy to be swayed by an agency's "quick" timelines. In most cases, the timelines given RARELY are accurate.  We were promised a 9-12 month process, start to finish with our first agency.  Twelve months later, we did not even have a referral, yet they were still promising that same timeline.  

*Many agencies claim to be "Christian" agencies.  That can be very appealing to prospective adoptive parents who would associate the word, "Christian," with ethical and honest. Unfortunately, that's not always the case. 

*You have the right to know exactly where your money is going.  The agency should be able to tell you a break-down of the fees, not just a generic explanation for thousands of dollars.

*If you find an agency you like, google blogs and families using that agency. Talk to as many people as you can and listen to what they are really saying.  If you can't find any families using an agency or willing to talk to you, head in the other direction.  Quickly. 

*Ask lots of questions to the agency.  If they are vague are aren't giving you answers, that is a red flag. If they aren't great on communication before you sign with them, it isn't going to get any better once you do. 

Hopefully, this isn't scaring the stink out of you.  Just being real, peeps, based on our experience.  It's easy to go into adoption with rose-colored glasses and assume that everyone has the child's best interest in mind and will be completely ethical and above board.  I learned a lot, and going back, we would have asked way more questions and made different choices! 

The more educated you are, the more the ethical your process will be! Connect with others and learn as much as you can! 

And since I've just scared you to death about adopting, you need to watch this video.  It will remind you why you were thinking about adoption in the first place. THIS is why ADOPTION IS NEEDED!  It's two minutes long. WELL worth your time.  Please, please watch. 

If you'd like a little more information on how to start researching the adoption process, please email me at leslieharris77 (at) gmail (dot) com. 

I'd love to hear from you!