One, that I would have a never-ending supply of Chick-fil-a unsweet tea on hand. (Extra lemon, of course.)
Two, that my husband would decide beach vacations were awesome and plan one every three months for me. (A girl can dream.)
Three, when meeting someone for the first time, I could hand them a, "First Impression Disclaimer." Nothing sketchy, like what someone gives you on the way to your car in the Target parking lot, (I'm talking to you, Jehovah Witness lady, who clearly thought I needed a dose of Jesus while wrangling a screaming toddler into a car seat.)
I'm thinking more along the lines of, "Hey, New Person that I just met, I'm not going to be able to work this into our initial conversation, but here's some helpful info to help you navigate our first communication experience."
Since I don't currently have anything printed and I'm in the process of meeting a bazillion new people, it's time for a blog post about it.
Here we go.
1. My Unfortunate Resting Face - A Resting Face is just that, your face at rest. When not in conversation or consciously thinking about your expression, it's what your face naturally does. Mine, unfortunately, looks like a cross between being extremely bored and slightly ticked off.
So, if you see me across the room and I'm looking angry/bored/filled with angst, I promise I'm not. Just working with the Resting Face the Good Lord gave me.
2. Awkward Hugger - I grew up in NJ and we just didn't hug a lot of people other than family. I moved to Atlanta after college and everyone hugged often and with reckless abandon. People I had just met, good friends, acquaintances; no one was off limits. My roommates expected a hug when they came back in the apartment after taking out the trash. It was socially exhausting.
There are side-hugs, full-frontal tight hugs, full-frontal no body contact below the shoulder, hugs that require you to put your arms around shoulders, and hugs that require you to put your arms around waists.
It's too much for my brain to handle most days. I've determined that I often can't read a hug situation, so I end up side-hugging when someone goes in for a full-frontal and things get all kinds of weird. Like I said, this is all helpful information.
3. I'm Scraggly and Sweaty for a Reason. Two reasons, actually. Their names are Jayden and Tyson and they are eight months apart and absurdly cute and lovable. Which is to their benefit because caring for them is a bit like herding cats.
There is a 105% chance that I will meet you directly after getting them changed, dressed, into carseats, out of carseats, and into a stroller. And they really love being in a stroller. Except they don't. So, they may be a little angry and wee bit squirmy, and I may be sweating and look a
So, there you go.
At this point, if we haven't met yet, you may choose to leave me sitting alone with my angry, sweaty resting face. But, I promise I'm kind of normal, and would love to get to know you. It may help to come in for the hug slowly while talking me through the type of embrace you're hoping to achieve. Everyone will be better off for it. I promise.