My Loves

The last few posts have been heavy, so let's lighten up today with a few of my Favorite Things....  (Please refrain from judging me and my taste in random things)



My Favorite Candy:  Holiday Candy.
What's that you ask?  I would define it as any sugar-filled morsel that helps celebrate a holiday.  I love me some candy corn, jelly beans, and peeps, to name a few.

As I type this post, I'm chomping down on these bad boys.

Yes, I fully understand that I have the diet of a third grader. And amazingly enough,  I've had only one cavity in my life.  I'm a walking miracle.



My Favorite Blog:  This is a toughie.  I'm going to have to go with my top three.

* Jen Hatmaker-  She's an author, adoptive mom, and sarcastic.  Everything I esteem to be.  She's written some poignant posts on life after adoption and living beyond our means in America.

*Momastery- authentic, honest, and transparent blog about parenting, brokenness, and faith.  She pulls no punches but speaks with grace and truth and humor.  Love it.

*I Hate Green Beans- I love watching the train-wreck otherwise known as The Bachelor.  (So does my husband).  I've been reading this blog recap of the show since Lincee was sending out emails of the recap.  Now she has a fancy-schmancy blog.  And her recaps are FUNNY.  She manages to retell the night without cattiness and without getting ugly about the contestants.  Good stuff.  And yes, I know the show is trash.



My Favorite Apps: 

*Words with Friends-  A game on my phone that allows me to play scrabble non-stop.  Pure awesomeness for nerds like me.

*Jesus Calling- It's a devotional book also in an App format.  It is a daily encouragement and I love to start my day with it.

*iExit- An app that tells you where Chick-fil-a's are located on your driving route.  Oh, it also lists every other restaurant and gas station on the route, but I focus mainly on the Chick-fil-a's.




My Favorite Men:  There are currently four of them in my life.  I'm surrounded by testosterone and farts.  (99.5% of them come from Bandit and the baby.)

Handsome, strong, and compassionate.
Thankful for such a combination.

Our little man who's picture I can't show.  Which is a shame- because he's ridiculously adorable.  

Knox.  The first addition to our family.  Loves to give kisses, especially to the baby.  Thinks he's a lap dog.
Enjoys drinking milk from a bowl. Uses puppy dog eyes to his advantage.
Has no sense of smell.  Just learned to pee like a male.

Bandit.  Loves his big brother Knox.  Has dug up our backyard.  Constantly farts while he sleeps.  
Has a cute snaggletooth grin sometimes.  Flies headlong into our pine tree after squirrels.
 Subsequently is always covered in sap.  Loves sleeping on the couch. 

Just a few of my favorite things!  Would love to hear yours! 







                 

Blind-sided.

Brian and I watched The Blind Side this past weekend.  We had seen it in the movie theater when it first came out a few years ago and loved it. This time, I watched it through different eyes.  Eyes that are now open to the chaos of so many of lives of children who have been through the foster care system. 


There were pieces in the movie that absolutely hit me in a way that never affected me the first time. 


One is the cultural vernacular used to explain where someone lives.  Michael used it to explain about his brother he hadn't seen in years.  He explained, I don't know where "he stays."  


It's a term we've heard as we've spent more and more time with inner city teenagers.  It breaks my heart, and here is why- because there is no permanency.  No refuge for them.  So many of the inner city kids involved in our ministry have moved and moved frequently.   Often, they aren't moving as a family unit.  Their home has been broken, so they have to find somewhere "to stay." 


Some of the kids we've worked with have moved five times in the past two years.  With their mom, over to their dad, then to an aunt, a girlfriend's uncle, a friend from school....  


No permanency. No refuge. 


In the movie, Michael runs into his brother at a restaurant. After a long, long embrace, he joins the Tuohy family back in their car.  They ask him who he was hugging, and he tells them it was his brother. LeAnn Tuohy asks when was the last time he saw him... and Michael shared that he hadn't seen him since they were little kids. 


It was at that point I burst into ugly, ugly sobs.  Brian looked at me in disbelief wondering why I had just spontaneously combusted. 


My thoughts went to our little man.  Through no choice of his own, he's already on the path that Michael had been.  He has siblings. Never met any of them.  


I want him to KNOW them.  I don't want him to grow up and never meet the siblings that share his bloodline and live in the same town.  


Today, at the visitation, he got to meet two of his brothers for the first time.   I am thrilled that his brothers got to see him.  That meeting meant nothing to them at this point, as they are all so little, but it gave me hope that maybe they will have a future together. 


I know I'm a broken record when it comes to foster care.  But I truly believe that this is a system that can be CHANGED-- when families decide to get a little uncomfortable, take a risk, and open their homes to children who need a safe refuge. 


We like to talk a lot about those poor, helpless children in the system. We'll click our tongues, an say "Bless their sweet hearts." Then move on to the next topic.  


That was me.  For a long time.  I wanted someone else to solve the problems because bringing foster kids into my home was going to be too inconvenient.  I felt that there were plenty of other people who would be great foster parents. Not me. 


I think the Christian community is especially guilty of this.  We want someone else to solve the problem. We want women to not have abortions, but then we aren't willing to take care of their children if they birth them into a world of chaos. 


We've been blind-sided to think that this isn't our problem.  


I disagree.  It's a messy, broken, and uncomfortable problem.  But we can't ignore it anymore. 


"The Lord is a shelter for the oppressed.  A place of refuge in times of trouble."  Psalm 9:9. 


If we are to be the hands and feet of Christ, doesn't that mean we should be a place of refuge too? 

Unknowns

With almost all foster care situations, there are many unknowns for the future.  In fact, there appears to be months and months ahead of us before we know what will be the end result for our little man's permanency.  


And that is hard. 


I'm sure that the people in our lives that love and care about us have questioned whether fostering was the right decision for us. 


Heck, I've questioned it at times too.  


Fostering is NOT easy. 


Loving our little guy?  That's simple and natural.  Thinking about giving him up is not. 


But I can't say that I regret our decision to foster.  It is a broken, messy process that can be frustrating and heartbreaking.  


Yet... there is such JOY in the journey. 


It's literally been a step by step walk with God.  Daily giving all that we are holding onto over to Him.  


There are so many unknowns that I am constantly in prayer.  


Which is a GOOD thing. 


It doesn't mean there aren't times when I am anxious or worried.  I am the queen of the "What-ifs."   And there have most certainly been some ugly cry times in the past few months when I've let fear take over with this situation. 


I'm holding on to these verses- 
"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?"  Luke 12:25-26


"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."  
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18


  

Tension

We're experiencing the tension of being foster parents. 


This is not new for anyone who has been doing it for a while.  I'm sure it's the same for most whose ultimate goal is that the child is in the best place possible for them to flourish. 


As foster parents, no matter the town or the state, there is much tension in our hearts as we want the woman who birthed these children to know how much we love them and how we have done everything we can to protect and nurture them.  


We want her to know that SHE is loved, because we know this life hasn't been easy for her.  There's a good chance that she's where she is in life because of some things that aren't her fault. 


We want her to know we're not the enemy.  That we want the best for him. Whatever and wherever that may be.


We want redemption for her: restoration for her body, her spirit, and her life.  


But we, as foster parents, we love this sweet child who currently lives in our homes.  We want to grab the child and hold them and not let go.  


We want to make their birth parents earn the right to see them because they haven't had their best interests in mind. 


We want to grab the birth parent's face in our hands and say, "Don't you know what you've missed?  Was it worth it?" 


But then we realize that they have given us a gift for the past week, or months, or even years.  And that gift is the result of a life that has been littered with heartache and devastation.  


And there is the tension for foster parents all over this country. 


And we are personally asking for loads and loads of prayer as we navigate these new waters.  





On another note: 
I'm back from retreating at Created for Care and it was again a sweet, sweet time with other women who have hearts for adoption and orphan care.


I traveled with six other women from Montgomery who either are adoptive moms or in the process of adopting that came to the conference.

Adoptive mommas from Montgomery- Adopting kiddos from the U.S., China, Uganda, Ethiopia, and the DRC.  Love it! 

I'm retreating. Who's with me?

It's been a doozy of a week.  


After being in the adoption process for over a year now, I've experienced the emotional roller coaster that it can be.  


But being a foster parent has brought a whole new definition of emotional roller coaster.  This week I feel like we have been on one of those twisty coasters and we got stuck at the part where we are hanging upside down. 

I'm ready to get down now. 

The goal for children in foster care is permanency.  Ideally, that would be back with their parents.  If that is not an option, then it would be permanency with extended family that can support them.  And if that isn't an option, then permanency with an adoptive family. 

This week has brought some new developments in baby J's situation.  Almost daily, we've been presented with a new potential situation for his future and it's been emotionally draining.  

We aren't surprised by what's unfolded, we knew going in that there were many variables that could play out over the course of our time with him, or any child for that matter.  

But that doesn't mean we aren't emotionally exhausted from the "what-if's" in his situation. Though it looks like things have stablized for now, there is still the potential that we can get a call today, next week, or next month that they are coming to get that sweet baby and move him. 

And that's difficult to wrap my head around. 

We love this little guy and want the best for his life.  As foster parents, we don't have a lot of say in his future,  so it's a lot of listening to the social workers, taking deep breaths, and praying for the absolute best placement for HIM.  Not for us.  

Easy to say, not so easy to accept, if it's not with us. 

Deep breaths. 

So, after the week it's been, I'm really excited to get to join 400 other women at the Created for Care conference in Atlanta this weekend.  

I went last year and it was a HUGE encouragement for me as we had just started the adoption conference. 

I'm joining seven other women from Montgomery to head up to Lake Lanier tomorrow for the conference...

 Is anyone else in bloggy world going to be there? I would love to meet you! 

My new addiction.

As I've written about before,  when I find something I like, I tend to go a little overboard with it..... Currently, my wardrobe is focused on scarves and sweater coats.  Guaranteed outfit at least five times a week.


I'm trendy like that.


My new addiction is making wreaths. I'm up to four in the past few months.  


It may be time for a support group.


Thanks to Pinterest, I can make really cute wreaths and appear to have smidge of creativity and skill.


Here's the latest wreath I made this weekend.  It's easy to make.  I pinky-swear promise. 

I used a straw wreath and kept the plastic wrapping on it. Then I wrapped a tri-color string around the wreath.  

The flowers are made out of felt.  I bought rectangular sheets of it from a local craft store.  They look way more difficult to make than they are.  (Rest assured, I only attempt crafts with three-step directions or less.) 


I take absolutely no credit for the design.....Here's the Pinterest link to the wreath.  


It's so cute I'm trying to figure out where I could put another one (or three), like it in my house.  


Or maybe I'll just ditch my scarves and start wearing them around my neck.  

Today

I live in a city where today holds great significance.  Martin Luther King, Jr. pastored a church on Dexter Avenue in Montgomery.  He became the champion of the Montgomery Bus Boycott, an act of nonviolence that changed the course of history.

I also live in a state that celebrates another man's birthday on this day, General Robert E. Lee, a confederate soldier.  Both are recognized as state holidays.  And some residents of this state are very vocal that they celebrate Robert E. Lee day, NOT Martin Luther King Jr. Day.

Oh, the joys of the deep south.

There has been much hope restored to this city that for so long lived racially divided.  It is a town rich in history, in triumph, and in pain.

As a family that now has an african american baby living with them, I am forever grateful for the courage and vision of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.  His decision to speak words of freedom and justice did not come without pain and sorrow.  He sacrificed his comfort and a life of ease in order to speak for those that had no voice.

Today I feel the weight of that, because he spoke for the little boy that we hold in our arms.

“I have a dream that one day little black boys and girls 
will be holding hands with little white boys and girls.” 
                                                                                                                -- MLK

Our city is not yet completely healed from the wounds of segregation.  The dream for all children to be given an equal education has not yet been fulfilled.

While blatant segregation may be gone, our diverse city has not embraced each other fully.  Yes, we are a city that, on the surface, acknowledges each other in passing.  But we don't have authentic community with each other.

The best way to tell? Our churches.  While I am thankful to say that our church has families of all races, worshipping together, we are still far from where we need to be based on the demographic population around us.

Brian and I have had many conversations about raising a child of african american or african descent in this city.  Frankly, it scares me at times.  Not for how we will be treated, but for what our child will face.

Everyone loves a baby and toddler, with chubby cheeks and sweet coos and giggles, no matter their color.  But what happens when that child grows into a teenager and asks your white daughter to prom?


“I have a dream that one day little black boys and girls 
will be holding hands with little white boys and girls.” 

Thank you, Dr. King, for your dream.

It's become my dream too.  And though I am, at times, anxious about what the future holds-- I know that this dream is taking shape, because I see it happening in the families and churches in our city.

Things are not healed in our city.

But they are healing.

Reconciliation is coming.

Through foster care.

Through adoption.

Through our churches that are beginning to welcome EVERYONE who walks through their door, no matter their color or their place in society.

Through ministries where we are serving TOGETHER to care for poor.

Thank you, Dr. King, for your voice and your willingness to speak for those that couldn't.  Your former city is not healed yet.  But we're getting there.

Update: Our Nursery- the finished product!

The nursery is done! It only took us eight weeks (jeesh), but it is complete and we love it! 

Update: See the bottom of this post for links to where to find some of the items!

Love, Love, Love our world decal!
 X's for our journey to our kiddos- one for our foster journey in AL
and the other in the DRC! 

Shout out to Pinterest for the inexpensive wall idea!

I've had some people ask where I found some of the products in the nursery - I found some great deals! 

Baby Bedding: Dwell Studio for Target   It's on clearance right now for less than $50!

World Map Decal: Bubba Doodles on Etsy  You can pick your call for the map and X's

"Love Makes a Family" Decal: Trading Phrases

Animal Prints: Idea from Pinterest.  I used frames, scrapbook paper, and burlap from Hobby Lobby

Lamp: Target

Changing Table Pad: Amazon

Today's Post Brought to You by the Southern Swoop and the Number 3.

The cool thing about having a blog is that you get to see how people ended up at your site...  I can see from which countries people are viewing the blog, which referring blogs they are coming from, and which keywords are leading them to this page. 


Which brings me to a very interesting and somewhat amusing bit of information....


So far this month, the top three keywords that have lead people to my blog are........


1. Southern swoop


2. Southern swoop hair


3. Number 3 


And for the ENTIRE time I've had my blog..... "Southern Swoop" ranks 2nd all-time on my keyword search. 


(Don't know what "Southern Swoop" is? Head over here and I'll fill you in....)


I was kinda hoping that "adoption," "orphan care," "foster care" would be in the top ten of what led people to Waiting on a Word.  


Not so much. 


Also on the All-time top ten list was "barbeque." 


Awesome. 


I'm making a difference people.  One haircut and pulled pork sandwich at a time. 

My Turn!

Never one to miss out on what's going on around me, (except last night when I was asleep by 10pm),  I wanted to add my own version of a New Year's list! 


Here goes...

Five things I never thought would happen and did in 2011. 

1. I was a part of launching, ONEfamily, our adoption/foster/orphan care ministry at our church.  I had planned on just helping out with the ministry once someone started it. I certainly wasn't going to start it because that was really going to cut into my schedule and I'm not someone who "starts" things.  I just help once the vision has been planted.  Well, God had another plan and it involved me jumping in and really getting my hands dirty to help start the ministry....and I love it.  So excited to be a part of a ministry that God is using to shake-up the way the families in our church look at caring for the orphan.  So thankful for a church that is receptive to it!

2.  We added another four-legged vehicle of destruction, I mean, dog, to our family. Bandit is our sweet, slightly skittish, renegade who is totally enamored with his big brother, Knox.  He came to us with no manners, probably because he has spent most of his life on the streets.  He does not believe in wiping his mouth after drinking and he passes really bad smelling gas.  A lot.  

3.  I never thought we would already be through 2011 and still be without a referral of our little ones from the DRC.  When we received our immigration approval in June, I thought for sure we'd have a referral by September.  If not September, then surely by Christmas........  And still we wait.  It's hard at times, as we long to see their face.  However, number #4 on this list has definitely helped us focus on enjoying what we have in front of us...

4. Which is our sweet, eight-week old foster baby, "J".  I never imagined we'd be foster parents.  In fact, I actually said out loud, "I could never be a foster parent."  AND.....that sealed the deal....anytime I say "never" to something, it's a 250% guarantee I'll being doing it in the future.  Though I never could have imagined this is the path we'd be on, I wouldn't change a thing!

5.  I blogged.  A lot.  65 posts, in fact.  What started as a once-in-a-while blog to update our long-distance families on the adoption has turned into so much more.  Which is weird.  But I like it.  Thanks for reading my very opinionated thoughts, my bloggy friends.  I hope to get to meet some of you in the real world one day.



Five Things I'm Looking Forward to in 2012. 

1. Continuing to not work out.  Let's face it.  I hate running and getting really sweaty. I'm just not an attractive sweater-er.  I really have tried to enjoy working-out, but I don't.  I attempt to work out consistently once a year and it lasts 1-3 months, on average.   So, I'm not going to try and act like I'm going to work out.  Instead, I will cheer on my friends who run 5 marathons a year while pregnant and hit the gym daily at 5am.

2.  Getting to see our child's picture for the first time when we get the referral.  Can't WAIT!

3. Getting the privilege of watching our little man, "J,"grow and change as a baby.  We love being able to be his parents for the "right now."

4. Walking alongside more of our church family as they become foster and adoptive families.  We had thirteen families complete the fall foster care training class with us and fifteen more families interested in taking the classes this spring!

5. Seeing what adventure God has us on next.  It's been a non-stop roller-coaster ride the past two and a half years with Brian as we have grown together and in our walk with the Lord.  I could never have imagined where we would be today, so I won't even try to predict where God will have us by the end of 2012.  What I do know is I'm excited to see where we go as a family this next year!