I had a nice, neat timeline planned out for my life upon graduating from high school.
- College in four years.
- Teach elementary school for the rest of my life.
- Get married at around 26 or 27. Preferably to a professional athlete. Definitely NOT to anyone in ministry.
- Kids by late 20's. And just two of them.
Instead, what I got was...
- College in 3 1/2 years. (just call me an overachiever. Or a nerd. whatever.)
- Taught fifth grade for 5 years and got burned out.
- In and and out of long term relationships.
- Went into full time supported ministry as a single girl.
- Got married at 32
- Still no kids.
- A big, hairy dog that eats most inanimate objects my house.
Not my timing. Not my plan.
As I look back, I can honestly say that I am so grateful for the way it has played out. My life has looked nothing like I planned, yet it's been everything that I needed.
But for a lot of my twenties, there were many questions, heartache, and doubt.
The story wasn't playing out the way I had written it.
I had questioned whether God had forgotten about me. Why it seemed like everyone else kept having new chapters written in their lives and mine stayed on the same page.
And as I have had the chance to spend some quality time with some my best girlfriends from all over the country this past month, it seems like this concept of timing is a rough one for a lot of us women.
Many of the women in my life, in varying age ranges and stages, are sitting in lives where their dreams have been unmet, or shattered, or abandoned.
Married and hurting.
Just, plain lonely.
A fellow adopting mom shared this statement on one of the yahoo groups I'm a part of and I loved it:
"Where we see time. God's sees timing."
God's timing never matches our own. His perspective is so much wider, deeper, and full of more wisdom then we can ever grasp.
When I look at timing in my own small brain and hands, I always, always, always jump to what I don't have, what I haven't achieved, and how far "behind" I am than everyone else around me.
Even as some dreams have been answered, I can still focus instead on the dreams deferred.
However, when I choose to trust that each word, each page, and each chapter of the course of my life has happened in God's perfect and loving timing, then I am at peace. Only then.
"You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand."
What a sweet and loving promise to cling to when our current circumstances are not what we dreamed them to be.
A post for my girls that are hurting and lonely, and who need a gentle, loving reminder that they have not been forgotten by the One who holds time in His hands.