Two Years Later: Reflections on Parenting an Older Teen (and Whether We'd Do It Again)

If you've followed this blog for any amount of time, then you are probably aware that we are  passionate about foster care, especially advocating for older children.

Two years ago, we became parents of an eighteen year-old young man who, while not in foster care at the time, could have easily classified for state services.  Since becoming a part of our family,  most of what I have shared on the blog have been celebrations of his achievements.  This past weekend, we watched TD walk across the stage and accept his high school diploma, a dream he had hoped to attain since walking into our house the very first day.  

I've chosen to highlight his achievements and accomplishments publicly because we have never wanted him to doubt how proud we are of how hard he has worked and persevered throughout his life.  

There have been few posts disclosing the difficulties and trials of raising him because it just wasn't appropriate in a public forum. Writing a blog that includes my family means that I walk a fine line on disclosure.  Yet, I never want to give the appearance that things are perfect and that we have it all together.  I want to be as honest and authentic with our reality as I can be while protecting my sons' individual stories. 

TD's story will never be mine to share, (unless he asks me to write it one day), but I can speak to our role in the relationship. The experiences of big smiles and celebrations shared in our pictures did occur, but there were many more days in our house where everyone was frustrated and annoyed.  We were constantly navigating this new territory with one another where boundaries were being laid, torn up, and reworked.

Anyone who tells you that parenting a teen who has been through trauma or loss is easy are big, fat liars.  This stuff is hard and downright messy and ridiculously humbling.

It should be. 

Parenting a teen from hard places WILL NOT look like parenting a child from birth.  That was the biggest lesson we learned along the way.

To expect a child who has not experienced stability for most of their life to respond to expectations and boundaries with obedience and joy is just unrealistic.

To expect a teen who has parented themselves (and potentially younger siblings) for most of their childhood to understand and accept how to be parented is setting everyone up for failure.

To expect a child to make choices and decisions based on your morals and values immediately is unfair to them.  Integrity and character are built over years.  They are formed in experience and fostered through trusting and loving relationships.  They don't happen over night.

Parenting a teen from trauma and loss takes time and commitment and a boatload of patience. It is understanding that the concept of "family" may be hard for them to grasp and to accept. It is about extending grace and redefining your preconceived storybook expectations. 

Many, many days we failed miserably.

To say that I often felt ill-equipped to speak into the life of a young man who had lived almost two decades in a context and culture foreign to me would be a colossal understatement. 

As parents, we were unqualified for the job. 

I write all of this because I want you to know the honest truth about parenting older teens.  And I also want you to hear this.

We would do it ALL. OVER. AGAIN.

Here's why . . .

Because 23,439 teens were emancipated from foster care last year with no family, no home, and no resources.

These are teens, who albeit, come from hard places, yet still long for a family and a support network.

I've written previously about the statistics for teens who "age out" of foster care.  They are grim.

This graphic illustrates the numbers from just this past year:

Every child deserves a family, a network, and a hope for their future.  It doesn't matter if they are eighteen or twenty-one, everyone needs to know there is someone in their corner.  

We have seen firsthand what stability, commitment, and love can do for teens from hard places.  It won't be a fairy-tale ending or a perfect story, but it will be an anchor for a child who has never had anyone fighting for them.  

Our son is now on his own, living two states away, looking for a job.  He knows that he has to choose to work hard in order to achieve his dreams.  BUT, he also knows we are a phone call away if he needs to talk, or vent, or glean advice.  

Teens aging out of foster care need what so many of us take for granted; someone to answer the phone when they call, a friend in their corner, a support system to help find housing and a job. 

The month of May is Foster Care Awareness month. As we close out the month, I beg you to research more about how you can play a role in the life of teen aging out of foster care.   

For those in Western North Carolina, please contact: 

Black Mountain Children's Home

Eliada

Your local Department of Social Services

Nationwide: 

Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption

The Mentoring Project

Please take a few minutes and watch this video to hear the stories, the pain, and the dreams of these young men and women who were emancipated from foster care. Poignant, beautiful, and full of hope.  

23,439 teens left the foster care system in the last year.  Their stories matter.  THEY matter. 

Choosing to invest in one of those lives WILL make a difference. 

Whatever Your Path

I was hastily ushered into motherhood on a late November night in 2011.  I hadn't meant to become a mother so suddenly, but when my "yes" to whatever God had planned collided with a seven pound, three-week old baby boy in need of a foster home, my arms were open.

I was terrified, wishing desperately I had learned more about babies in my first three decades of life, and immediately enamored with the little one who had just entered my home.  

His future was unknown, as was length of stay in our family, but the minute I held him, I became a mother.  It didn't matter what anyone else thought, this little one, already transitioned too many times in his little life was my first son, and it wasn't because of DNA or matching last names. My entrance into motherhood was not found in any how-to books or manuals. It was messy and broken and filled with mistakes and missteps. It was learning to how to share this little life with the woman who brought him into the world, but wasn't able to care fully for him.  It was humbling and beautiful and it brought me to my knees in prayer and tears day after day.  

Our Jayden made me a mother.  Though he now carries my last name, I never needed that to feel as though he was a part of me.  That happened the moment I met him.

Our second son walked through the door on a July afternoon with a small bag, Xbox, and megawatt smile. He was supposed to stay a week, but he never left.  Seemingly overnight, I became the mother of a teenager who had almost lived two decades without me.  There were a lifetime of a memories, history, and family that I had not been a part of nor would ever experience.  Being his mom has humbled me in ways I never thought possible and has reminded me over and over and over that motherhood is not about my glory or fame.

Our TD made me a mother of a teenager. My inadequacy and insecurity as a parent became glaringly obvious as we navigated our new roles with each other. Yet, grace has prevailed and we continue to forgive, learn, and move on. He calls me by my first name and when out in public, strangers are always confused by our relationship.  But, my commitment to him isn't based on public approval and I have never needed to be called "Mom" in order to love him.   

Our third son was supposed to have been my first.  At least, according to the timeline we received in December of 2010 when  we began our international adoption journey. I never imagined I would gain two sons in the meantime and labored in heartache and fear over the unknowns of our process for two years.  

I met my five month-old baby boy in the humid, heavy air of Kinshasa, Congo.  He had already been loved by two mothers, including his foster mama who had nurtured and sacrificially loved him from almost birth. The culmination of two years of waiting, coupled with the knowledge that I would be removing him from everything he had ever known, simultaneously sent my heart soaring and broke it. 

Our Tyson made me a mother in the wait.  Long before I held him, I was his mother.  In the wee hours of the night I would lay awake, fervently praying for his health, his paperwork to come through, and for someone to love him until I could get there. I would have moved heaven and earth to get to him faster. When the timelines ever shifted and the days and months dragged on while a child waited across the ocean for their family, I was a mother.  Fierce and fighting and faithful. 

In five months, I'll be ushered into motherhood through biology. Surreal and terrifying, I have begun to imagine what our strong-willed, hard-headed DNA has created in this little one.  For the first time, I'll be a mother to a girl, and that alone is enough to bring me to my knees in prayer. 

Our baby girl will make me a first mother, a role I have never experienced.  With my boys, I hold dear the fact that they are loved and treasured by other women in their lives, both biological and foster.  I alone hold the enormous responsibility for this one growing inside me.  What an honor and a gift that carries an immense weight.  

My path to motherhood has not been traditional or followed a dictionary definition.  

Your path may not either.  

That's where I find joy and hope and freedom.  

Motherhood isn't meant to fill a cookie-cutter, June Cleaver identity.  It's more than diapers, play dates, carpool, and suburbia.  

Motherhood comes in the form of . . .

Mentoring 

Kinship Care

Stepfamilies 

Fostering 

Waiting 

Adoption

Biology

Motherhood is investment, tears, hugs, failure, encouragement, discipline, waiting, hoping, and much, much prayer. 

There is no prescription or formula. 

It is a calling. And if you're called to role of motherhood, rest in the fact that it will be YOUR calling, no one else's.  

Some of the wisest mothers I know have never raised a child in their home. Yet, they have walked countless girls through some of the toughest seasons of their life through mentoring and time and prayer. 

Some of the fiercest and bravest mothers I know are still waiting for their children. They have yet to "parent" them in the normal sense of the word, but they are fighting with every ounce of energy and using every legal channel available to bring their children home. 

Some of the most involved and loyal mothers I know have never birthed a child, yet they are raising their nieces, nephews, and siblings with a devotion rarely seen.

So, if you've found that your path veers off from the rest, and when you wonder if what you're doing really matters. . .

Know that it does.  

Cling to your calling and celebrate your path.  

Happy Mother's Day. 

A New Definition of Expectant

Unbeknownst to us, we carried a little extra cargo on our move to Asheville.

That cargo is due somewhere around mid-October 2014.

Friends have asked how our transition has been in our new city and home, and what I've shared is that we are loving our new little neighborhood, enjoying getting to know the members of our church better, and excited for spring and summer to hit in this beautiful city.

What I hadn't shared, up until this point, is that most of my days here have been spent trying to lay on the couch and not puke.  (Super easy with two extremely busy toddlers, obviously.) I haven't blogged or done much of anything, because good gracious, I'm also absurdly SLEEPY.

Elmo videos have been my unashamed co-parent this first trimester.  One day, I actually FELL ASLEEP while the boys were awake and playing.  I'll spare the details, but y'all, it was mayhem.

At thirteen weeks, I'm thankfully heading out of the rough patch, (hopefully), and onto the weird eating stage.  Currently, I'm all about eggs.  I made deviled eggs for the FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE the other days. Two dozen.  Slightly excessive due to the fact that only one other human eats them in our house.  But, when you eat four in one sitting, you can get through them kind of quickly.  

Yesterday, I made egg salad.  Eggs are awesome.

You know what else is awesome? We're having a baby! Adoption was always going to be a way that we formed our family, and we prayed that we'd be able to add biological children as well.  As years went on, we weren't sure that would happen.

This sweet little surprise is worth every middle of the night pee and every morning puke.

We are grateful and humbled at the opportunity to become parents again. 

At the beginning of January, I shared this post on the blog about my "Word of the Year."

Expectant

Now, I wasn't prego at that point and it wasn't what I had in mind when I wrote it, BUT, due the way the past few months have unfolded, I HAVE already been thinking through my "Word" for next year.

"Wealthy" and "Powerball Winner" are two of my frontrunners. 

Getting Settled

After spending two weeks in our temporary house, affectionately termed the "Jungle Boogie," we moved into our home last weekend. 

We love our little neighborhood, complete with wooded lots, quiet streets and teenage neighbors who actually still "play" outside.  More to come about it, but for now, here's a picture.  Is it not the cutest? 

A front porch! Swoon. 

Before we moved, my very talented friend, Suzanne Williams, yet again captured our family so beautifully in photos.  Jayden and Tyson were not thrilled at being forced to stand still and smile (TD really wasn't either), but she managed to get some great shots between the tears (Jayden and Tyson's - TD managed to hold it together.)  

I don't think there is much that makes me happier than family photos of my handsome men! 

My First-Impression Disclaimer

I have a few wishes in life. 

One, that I would have a never-ending supply of Chick-fil-a unsweet tea on hand. (Extra lemon, of course.)

Two, that my husband would decide beach vacations were awesome and plan one every three months for me. (A girl can dream.)

Three, when meeting someone for the first time, I could hand them a, "First Impression Disclaimer." Nothing sketchy, like what someone gives you on the way to your car in the Target parking lot, (I'm talking to you, Jehovah Witness lady, who clearly thought I needed a dose of Jesus while wrangling a screaming toddler into a car seat.)

I'm thinking more along the lines of, "Hey, New Person that I just met, I'm not going to be able to work this into our initial conversation, but here's some helpful info to help you navigate our first communication experience." 

Since I don't currently have anything printed and I'm in the process of meeting a bazillion new people, it's time for a blog post about it. 

Here we go.  

1. My Unfortunate Resting Face - A Resting Face is just that, your face at rest. When not in conversation or consciously thinking about your expression, it's what your face naturally does.  Mine, unfortunately, looks like a cross between being extremely bored and slightly ticked off.  

So, if you see me across the room and I'm looking angry/bored/filled with angst, I promise I'm not.  Just working with the Resting Face the Good Lord gave me. 

2.  Awkward Hugger -  I grew up in NJ and we just didn't hug a lot of people other than family.  I moved to Atlanta after college and everyone hugged often and with reckless abandon. People I had just met, good friends, acquaintances; no one was off limits.  My roommates expected a hug when they came back in the apartment after taking out the trash. It was socially exhausting.

There are side-hugs, full-frontal tight hugs, full-frontal no body contact below the shoulder, hugs that require you to put your arms around shoulders, and hugs that require you to put your arms around waists.  

It's too much for my brain to handle most days.  I've determined that I often can't read a hug situation, so I end up side-hugging when someone goes in for a full-frontal and things get all kinds of weird.  Like I said, this is all helpful information.  

3. I'm Scraggly and Sweaty for a Reason.  Two reasons, actually.  Their names are Jayden and Tyson and they are eight months apart and absurdly cute and lovable. Which is to their benefit because caring for them is a bit like herding cats.  

There is a 105% chance that I will meet you directly after getting them changed, dressed, into carseats, out of carseats, and into a stroller.  And they really love being in a stroller. Except they don't.  So, they may be a little angry and wee bit squirmy, and I may be sweating and look a little lot frazzled. I used to have hours to get ready and my shoes matched and I didn't have cheerios stuck to my rear end.  But those days are over.  

So, there you go. 

At this point, if we haven't met yet, you may choose to leave me sitting alone with my angry, sweaty resting face.  But, I promise I'm kind of normal, and would love to get to know you.  It may help to come in for the hug slowly while talking me through the type of embrace you're hoping to achieve.  Everyone will be better off for it.  I promise. 




 

FAQ's: Burning Questions About Our Move

In just a few days, we're heading up the road to Asheville as a family.  

It'll be the typical circus as Brian will pull a Uhaul and bring the two dogs with him, (one of whom is a nervous, pukey rider).  I'll be driving by myself with the two little ones. Inevitably, someone will throw a toy out of arm's reach in the first five minutes and scream about it for the next four hours. 

Good times. 

We've gotten lots of questions about our move and the future.  Here are some of the more popular ones we've been answering. . .   

1. What is TD going to do?  Before we could consider taking the job, we needed to get TD's thoughts on moving.  From the first conversation we initiated with him, TD expressed to us that he wanted us to take the job.  He was excited for us as a family and knew it would be a good fit.  However, he personally wasn't ready to go.  He has four months left of high school and wanted to finish school before moving. We totally understood he choice and started praying for a family that would be able to offer a good short-term fit for him.  Just one day after we accepted the job, a place for TD to finish out the school year was figured out. 

Over the course of the fall semester, he had been spending a good amount of time with the new children's pastor at our church and her family.  He would consistently express to us how much he enjoyed being with the family (and he's not one to express ANY emotion.)  It was a clear choice for us to ask them to consider taking in TD for a the remainder of the year.  They are former foster parents and have invited quite a few teens into their home over the years.  They readily agreed.

TD is excited about moving in with them and will stay until he graduates at the end of May.  At that point, he'll decide whether he is going to move in with us and work or go to college/trade-school full-time or head out on his own. 

We are so proud of him and can't wait to see him walk across the stage to receive his hard-won diploma in a few short months! 

2. Are you going to work in NC?  Nope and I can't wait! I've worked full and part-time for the past three years at a wonderful and super-supportive non-profit in Montgomery.  This will be the first time I will be able to be at home all day. Looking forward to not rushing out the door every morning trying to scramble dropping off the boys to daycare and still make it to work on time.  Being home full-time is going to have its own set of challenges, but I am excited about the ability to have regular play dates and form connections with other moms in the area. 

3.  What is the name of the church?  Biltmore Baptist 

4. Will you be closer to your family? Yes, another huge plus for us.  My parents will be within one day's driving distance now and Brian's family is at least an hour closer.  Added bonus: Knoxville, TN is only two hours away.  Easy driving distance from Brian's sister and her family and UT football games. 

5. Are you going to be foster parents in NC? At some point, probably yes.  But for now, we are not going to pursue anything. These past three years of our international adoption and foster care process have been so very stressful and emotionally tolling on us.  We are excited about the opportunity to take some time to exhale and just enjoy the family that God has given us.  

6. Will you have room for visitors?  Yes!!! Just know that the guest room is five feet from the boys' room. And they wake up jumping and yelling.  Loudly. 

I know y'all just couldn't sleep at night without those answers.  

The Long and Winding Road to Asheville

When the phone call about a prospective job at another church came in late summer, we weren't looking to leave Montgomery. My comment to Brian was, "there's really no way this will work out. It's going to take a miracle for all the pieces to fall into place." 

That's me, folks, full of faith.

And five months later, I'm packing up our house and we're heading to Asheville, North Carolina.

What had to line up and fall into place, did exactly just that.

From the very first conversations with the church, we were excited about the potential for Brian and our family, but tempered our expectations.

We weren't leaving Montgomery without Jayden. We believed that God had ordained J-man to be a permanent legal fixture in our family.  There was nothing we would do to jeopardize this gift.  It was a risk we weren't taking.  

At that point, we couldn't even leave the state for a one-day trip without permission from DHR, so moving to North Carolina was out of the question.  Everything had to be wrapped up with his case before we would be going anywhere and DHR had told us to prepare for a wild ride that could take years.

As the conversations with the church increased and we grew more and more intrigued, we also very candidly shared with them about our situation.  There would be no question of our commitment to  Jayden. He came first.

They understood and let us know that they had joined in with so many across the country who were praying for our son's story.

November 20th was one of the biggest days for Jayden's future.  A judge would decide whether or not he would be adoptable.  If she ruled that day, she could determine to prolong his stay in foster care or terminate parental rights, thereby freeing him for adoption.  She also could hold off on a ruling and instead make decision weeks or months later. We were told not to expect her to make a decision, and if there was a ruling made, to expect his case to be prolonged, though the evidence was very clear-cut.

We walked into the courtroom and the judge quickly informed us that she only had an hour before she had to leave.  Most likely the case would be continued.  We had already waited a year for this court date and it was possible we would have to be delayed another six months. My heart sank.

Thankfully, every lawyer, social worker, and witness in that courtroom that day was prepared and ready to testify to the facts.  With just three minutes left, the lawyer gave her closing statement.  I clenched Brian's hand and waited nervously for the judge to respond. After what seemed like an hour-long pause, she granted the termination of rights, immediately got up, and left the courtroom.

Everyone in the court room was so stunned they just looked around at each other in disbelief.  A miracle had occurred. 

He was on his way to having a permanent, forever family.

It was a tremendous leap in the process, but there were still more hoops to jump through and papers to be signed.

If Brian was to begin working at the church, he would need to fill the position by February 1st.  We were already in the middle of December, and still waiting on some important signatures and looking at a two-week wait period after that signature came.  

Once the appeal period was over, there was more paperwork for us to sign and then we couldn't finalize Jayden's adoption for another thirty to forty-five days.  It was looking like late February or early March before we could leave the state with our son.

The timeline just seemed insurmountable.  Though we would have loved to partner with the Asheville church, we didn't want them to wait on us and a process that was unstable and unpredictable. Everyone had been in limbo for too long.  

So the answer had to be "no."

It was frustrating, disappointing, and honestly, really confusing for us.  

Were we not hearing God correctly?  Would He bring us this far on the journey only to leave us still feeling unsettled?   

A week went by, and then things started happening.  

We had finally made it into the appeal period.  The fourteen-day countdown had begun and a gracious church had called us back.  They were unsettled with our answer as well. 

Many variables were still in flux- if we were meant to go to Asheville, Jayden's finalization would have to be completed. We were looking at least another month to a month and a half before a court date. 

Or so we thought. 

We passed through the appeal period with DHR working diligently to compile all of the necessary paperwork to finalize.  They put us in contact with a lawyer who had worked with other families to waive the 30 day wait period for extenuating circumstances.  The lawyer told us she thought the finalization could be pushed through before the end of January.  We were hopeful. 

The appeal period ended on January 2nd.  We signed the consent to adopt paperwork on January 6th, applied for a waiver the next day and that afternoon we received a call confirming our court date.  We would be finalizing our son's adoption one week later.  

Five months after stating that there was no way everything would fall into place for us to accept the job, it did.  

Funny how that happens. 

Leaving Montgomery and our church here has been a bittersweet decision for our family.  When I moved here five years ago, I had just become a wife. In a few weeks, I'll be leaving as a mother of three boys, two of whom we met in this city.  

Yet, we know that it is time for us to go and God has made it clear that Asheville is our next home.  Brian will be filling a new role, as the young adult pastor and we'll both be starting an orphan care ministry at the church. 

I wish I could include every detail of the past few months and the ways in which God has orchestrated our move, but this post is already way too long. 

I can confidently say that amidst the chaos of packing and nervous anticipation of the unknown, we are expectant and excited for what is to come in Asheville, NC!

Open Adoption: The Story of How Adopting Our Son Expanded Our Family By More Than Just One

As adoptive parents, one of the most important things we want to give our sons is as much of their history as possible.  The time with Jayden living in our home stretched from weeks into months, and I began to pray regularly that he would one day have the opportunity to build a relationship with some of his biological family members. 

Since we had welcomed him into our home at such a young age, we assumed that we knew most of his backstory and family history. Based on what we had been told and the circumstances surrounding his situation, our hopes for Jayden having a safe and healthy relationship with his bio family seemed unlikely. That was, until this past August. 

We got a call from DHR on a Monday morning.  His Great-Aunt Julia (who goes by JuJu) wanted to meet him.  She had not learned of Jayden's existence until very recently and was, obviously, very concerned that one of her family members was in foster care. 

My heart dropped and I nervously paced while talking with his social worker.  While Brian and I had always prayed that Jayden would have a permanent home in a safe, loving environment, we had also prayed it would be with us.  

It was decided by DHR that we would meet with JuJu that Friday morning.  She would have the opportunity to get to know us and decide if she would petition for custody, which was her right as a family member. 

That week was a blur, but it was filled with a lot of prayers, tears and extra snuggles with our boy.  We weren't sure what Friday would bring.  

We headed into the meeting with a few things on our heart. 

First and foremost, we wanted JuJu to know that though Jayden had been in foster care for most of his life, not one minute had gone by when he was not loved or wanted.  

Second, we wanted her to know that J-man had never been our "foster child." He was, simply, our son.  Even if he ended up leaving our home that day or never shared our last name, he would always be a member of our family.  We weren't his "babysitters" and he wasn't a "paycheck."  He was our much loved and treasured gift.  

Third, we wanted her to know that if she decided not to file for custody and chose to leave him in our care, our desire was to remain in regular contact and communication with her.  In the state of Alabama, DHR only facilitates closed adoptions. This meant that if and when we were able to adopt Jayden, the file would be closed and no information would be given to anyone (including his biological family) about his whereabouts or his adoptive family. 

Brian and I have always believed that open adoption is the route for our family, if there are stable and healthy relationships that can be maintained.  But there was nothing legally binding that could be used to assure his aunt of our desire.  If Aunt JuJu decided that her nephew's best interest was to remain with us, she would have to blindly trust us and rely solely on the word of two random strangers. It was a lot for us to ask. 

We walked into DHR that Friday morning, full of nervous energy. There was both excitement to meet a biological family member and anxiety about the unknown course of our family's life. 

Just inside the lobby, we all met and hugs were given all around. Immediately, it felt like we were family.  

JuJu understood that Jayden needed a little warming up at first, so there was some time for me to share our photo books from the past two years. I wanted to give as much information about him as possible by filling her in on his milestones and adventures.  We wanted to paint the fullest picture of the life he had lived. 

For almost two hours, we talked about Jayden, our family dynamics, and her side of the family.  There were many pieces she was able to fill us in on. We learned about a huge side of the family that had never existed to us. It was exciting to envision the possibilities for future family connections. 

After talking together for a while, Aunt JuJu shared her thoughts on the entire situation.  She had come that morning with every intention of filing for custody of Jayden. He was her blood relative, great-nephew, and she wanted what was going to be the best for him. 

Yet, in the first moments of meeting us, she saw how Jayden called Brian, "Dada," and clung to him for dear life. She observed the way he was bonded to us and to his brothers, Tyson and TD. 

With a selfless perspective and a level grace that I could only hope to have one day, Aunt JuJu gave us a precious gift. 

Instead of petitioning for custody, she entrusted us with her great-nephew. 

The fact of the matter is, that she didn't have to even meet with us.  She didn't have to sit and listen to us talk about our family.  JuJu could have just filed a petition and won custody of him a few weeks later, guaranteeing his departure from our home. 

Instead, she drove three hours to get to know us and her great-nephew.  Then she spent the rest of the weekend sharing about our meeting with the rest of her extended family.  She answered their questions about his well-being and his future and went to bat for us, advocating for him to stay in our home. 

This is an amazing woman with an open heart and mind that I'm now excited to call family. 

Aunt JuJu is an answer to so many prayers for our son. Though Jayden will now legally be a "Word," he will have biological family members consistently in his life.  Generations of family histories will be passed on to him, a gift that we could never give him. 

Since August, we have kept in regular contact with Aunt JuJu, as well as his Great-Grammy in Michigan, and his Great-Great Granny who also came to his 2nd birthday party. 

A simple blog post cannot truly convey how grateful we are for our son's biological family.  Over the past six months, they have welcomed us into their family with open arms.  After every conversation with Aunt JuJu, we walk away feeling affirmed and encouraged as Jayden's parents.  She is such a blessing.

Open adoption has provided us with not only a son, but also an extended family across the country.  The prayers I whispered in our first few months with Jayden have been answered in ways I could have never imagined. 

God's story is always, always, always better.   

The Newest Word

For the first time since I started writing this blog three years ago, we are no longer waiting on a Word. 

May I introduce you to Jayden David Word, our "J-man."  

He was our first child, placed into my nervously shaking arms when he was just two weeks old.  Two years ago, we didn't know whether he would be with us for a month, a year, or longer.  

It never mattered.  He was our son. No length of time, last name, or his future plans would dictate our love for him.  From the moment he entered our home, we counted each day we were given  with him as a gift. 

Jayden had his very first bath in our kitchen sink, took his first steps in our living room, and has spent the last 765 nights getting smothered with our bedtime kisses. 

Yesterday, Brian and I sat with him in front of a judge, and expressed our desire to love, guide, and care for him forever. 

While we answered a few questions from our lawyer, Jayden spent the time yelling out in the courtroom, "Baby!" as he scanned the room for his little brother.  When he located Tyson, he realized that his brother was eating a snack and proceeded to scream, "Snack! Snack!" until he got one too. 

Thankfully, the judge didn't seem to mind pretzels crumbs dropping all over the floor in his courtroom.

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this family of mine. 

I've got much more to share, but for now, I'll leave you with some pictures of our special day.  

We are so very grateful for this little life that God has entrusted us with - he is our absolute joy.  

Expectant

Let me clear things up real quick. (Because I know some of your minds already went there!)

This is not a post about a new addition to the Word family. 

This is a post about a word.  My word. 

EXPECTANT

Eager anticipation for the future.  Hopeful.  Excited for what is to come. 

It's a word that I'm loving as we head into 2014.  

It's no surprise that this past year was one of our best and one of the toughest we've ever had. 

We are coming out of 2013 absolutely exhausted. 

From adjusting to life with two toddlers, being diagnosed with Lyme, months of uncertainty J-man's future, Brian's hectic schedule, little ones who stay sick consistently, we are weary.  

EXPECTANT

It's a word that has been pressed on my heart as we delve into a new chapter of our life. 

We are entering 2014 hopeful for many things. 

• Rest and reprieve 

• A definitive answer to J-man's future

• Full healing of my Lyme Disease

• Renewed vision of our purpose as a family

• TD's graduation from high school

2013 was a year full of extreme highs and difficult lows.  We rejoiced at the arrival of our son Tyson.  We sat in anxious uncertainty for months over J-man's situation. We were reminded daily of the beautiful gift of our three boys. We struggled to understand why I would be hit with debilitating joint pain at a time when I needed my health the most.  We have had new and exciting opportunities presented to our family.

We have trudged through the valley and shouted from the mountaintops this year.  We are grateful for the journey, but relieved to have put that leg of the adventure behind us. Through every single minute of the last 365 days, we have never doubted that God is near.  We have questioned timelines, circumstances, and outcomes, but we have not once wondered whether He is good.

I'm heading into 2014 with many more gray hairs, a few more wrinkles (I'll call them Love Lines), eyes going a little wonky (thanks Lyme), and a house full of energetic boys (putting it mildly). 

Ready for 2014. 

Is there word you have chosen for the year? I'd love to hear about it!