TBT: I think we'd be friends

I wrote this post two years ago. Thought it'd be fun to post again (Throwback Thursday for those of you still wondering what "TBT" meant.  LOL, guys.  LYLAS) 

I've updated in red.  

____________________________________________

I think we'd be friends in real life. 

That's what I often imagine as I read blogs of women I've never met from all over the country.  

So in case you ever have considered that about me, I think there are some things you need to know: 

1.) I drink large quantities of UNsweet tea with extra lemons.  I'm usually seen carrying a Chick-fil-a cup full of it on a daily basis.  This causes many southerners to look at me with distaste and call me a Yankee. (Still true. Will never change. Ever. I can drink two sips of sweet tea and then my tongue stops working.) 

2.) I'm not creative. This is not a statement of humility.  It's fact. In my elementary school, students had the opportunity to be invited on a yearly basis to try and "test" into the "Talented and Gifted" program.

That was never me.  In fact, in the fifth grade, I was one of four kids in my class who were not invited to take the test while the other twenty kids in our class were.  I can still remember sitting in the classroom just waiting for the rest of the class to get back.  Bless my heart. (Sidenote: My best friend shared with me a few weeks ago how she was in the "Talented and Gifted" Program in elementary school and was so embarrassed to be in it, she purposely failed the test so they would kick her out. Despite the differences in our IQ's, the common bond of Rap Music is ultimately what brought us together 13 years ago. True story.) 

3.) To further prove number #2, I can honestly say that I never think of my day in terms doing crafts, painting, or sewing.  I can guarantee that I will never attempt to show you how to refinish furniture,  paint a mural, or embroider a onesie on this blog.  I prefer, instead, to surround myself with very talented people to do those things for me. (Due to the emergence of Pinterest in the past two years, I found my crafty nitch, friends, and that means I focused completely on making wreaths.  Since becoming the parent of two boys under two, the thought of DOING a craft makes me tired. These wreaths are going to have to last for the next ten years.)

4.) Once I find a fashion piece I like, it becomes my "thing." (Probably that creative issue again.)

• I rocked the colored jean my senior year of high school.  If it came in a color, I owned it.  Mauve jean? Check.  Dark green jeans?  Check.  They're coming back in style soon.  Trust me.  (Y'all. I was RIGHT.  They are BACK in style! Sadly, I'm so out of style, I haven't even bought any yet.)
• For a few years I owned the tailored blazer.  Literally and figuratively.  In fact, I still actually own them; in navy, brown, mustard, cream, green, black...   Let me know if you need to borrow one.  (Still have them . . . in case anyone was interested. . . )

• My current obsession are sweater coats and scarves.  I own a lot.  In fact, there's a good chance that on any given day, I'll be wearing one or the other.  Or both.  I need an intervention.     (I am just adding these pictures.  Bless. My. Heart.  Embarrassing.  Clearly, this is still a problem.) 

5.) I can't do a cartwheel.  (Still true. I can promise you this ain't changing.) 

So what do you think? Would we be real-life friends?  

Are We Practicing What We Post?

As details from the Gosnell trial started leaking out last week, the outcry from the nation, especially the Christian community, has been huge.

I tried to ignore the facebook links to the story for a while, but I eventually gave in and read the court proceedings.

With my eyes welling with tears and stomach turning, I read the details.  It was horrific.  Human depravity at its worst.

Whatever your views on abortion, the fact remains that this was a degradation of human rights not only for the babies, but also for their mothers.

I am a mother today because three women chose life.  I am honored and humbled to have been given the opportunity to call these boys my sons.  Reading what was done to women and children in that clinic absolutely appalls me and breaks my heart.

Honestly, friends, I have no desire to stir the debate over abortion.  The fact of the matter is that women are going to continue to have them, whether legally or illegally.

Instead, I want to speak to my Christian community today, to those holding tightly to the mantle of the right to life for everyone.

As I scroll through my newsfeed on Facebook and my Twitter updates, the cry against abortion rings loudly from my friends and acquaintances.  We weep at the horrors of Gosnell and his clinic, post pictures of babies that have been aborted to prove their pre-natal development, and rail against our legislators for not doing more to stop abortions nationwide.

Typing a facebook status, sharing a link to an article, posting a picture is pretty easy.  Heck, standing in front of a clinic, asking women to reconsider their choice is fairly easy.

Christian community, if we are serious about lowering the rate of abortions in this country are we ready to care for the babies that are born to mothers who may not be able to adequately care for them?

Studies have shown that the face of women choosing abortion is changing.  It's no longer the unwed, teenage girl getting forced to give up the baby by her parents.  Research has shown that the growing percentage of women choosing abortion are single, african-american women in their 20's, with more than one child, and living below the poverty line.  A report from the Guttmacher organization states: 

“The proportion of abortion patients who were poor increased by almost 60%—from 27% in 2000 to 42% in 2008.” As you might expect, the profile of the abortion patient is disproportionately poor, as well as disproportionately Black or Latina.
In the study, poor women's “relative abortion rate was more than twice that of all women in 2008... and more than five times that of women at 200% or more of the poverty level.” 

From an NBC News Report:
"In fact, the women come from virtually every demographic sector. But year after year the statistics reveal that black women and economically struggling women — who have above-average rates of unintended pregnancies — are far more likely than others to have abortions. About 13 percent of American women are black, yet new figures from the Centers for Disease Control show they account for 35 percent of the abortions."

The pro-life movement, interestingly enough, has continued to grow, with the Gallup poll indicating that 47% of Americans in 2010 considered themselves "pro-life" versus 45% as "pro-choice." 

More and more Americans are defining their stance on the issue, with the Christian community of "pro-lifers," seemingly taking on the most vocal role. 

So, as the demographic of women choosing abortion continues to trend toward minority and lower-income women and the American population seems slowly be heading more in the direction of a pro-life stance, what does that mean? 

It means that there should be help on the way for these women. 

The cycle of poverty is entangling and overbearing.  As we have watched personally in some of the precious lives around us, it is a heavy-handed oppressor often making an individual feel as though there is no way out. 

As a Christian community, are we willing to invest in the life of a mother who chooses life? Are we willing to spend time with these women, helping them to step out of the cycle of poverty? 

Getting a child through the first nine months in their mother's womb CANNOT be enough.  Mothers who are considering abortion but decide instead to carry the child are most likely already facing a myriad of stresses in their daily life. That's why they are considering abortion in the first place.  

My prayer is that we, as a Christian community, would become a support system for those women.  I pray that we would leave the comfort of our middle-income existence and step into the lives of women trying to make it one day to the next.  

Please hear me that I'm not suggesting that all middle-income (majority white) pro-life advocates march into the inner city and start telling people how to live.  What I envision are relationships, real friendships, developed over the common thread of life and children and hope.  Because when you have people in your life that are walking through difficulties with you, offering support and encouragement, you start to realize that you can thrive, and not just survive.  

Investing takes effort and patience.  It takes a committed desire to be intentional with your time and a willingness to care for others when it's difficult and messy.  Investing in the life of a mother in poverty means working with her in how to save money, how to interview for jobs and write a resume. It means putting aside your socioeconomic world-view and being willing to step into her life.  It means loving radically, deeply, and without judgement.  

If we are going to make a stand against abortion, then we have to BE THERE when women choose life for their child.  When we plead with women not to end their pregnancies, we must then, in turn, help them when they have the baby.  

Intentional, committed, and in it for the long run.   

We can spout statistics, talk about the gestational development of a baby, and list the emotional and physical risks all day long.  That's easy.  But are we really willing to do more than vocalize our beliefs? 

What about the 400,000 children in foster care across our country? Their parents choose life for them, but couldn't provide a safe place for them to grow and thrive.  

We asked them to give them life.  Now, are we going to help them LIVE? 

Or the 100,000 children in the United States that are waiting to be adopted?  Their parents chose life for them, but because of addiction, neglect, or other factors, could not continue to raise them.  These children have spent years in the foster care system and they are READY for a family. 

Christian community, if we are serious about fighting for the right to life, then we need to be serious about being a part of the rest of their life.  

There should NOT be a waiting child adoption list in this country.  Plain and simple.  If the Christian community is going to fight for the right to life, then we need to fight for a healthy and safe life for them as they grow into adulthood.  We need to step up and provide that for them. 

The abortion discussion MUST NOT end at birth.  If we truly believe every child is precious and wanted, then we have to act like it. 

I'm challenging us to move from behind our computer screens and into action.  Rather than point fingers, let's get to know some women in need of a support network and start investing in their life.  Let's move the number of waiting children in our country to zero.  Let's make sure that the hundreds of thousands of children in foster care are in safe, stable homes of refuge.  If we make the right to life our battle cry, then these children and these women are not someone else's problem.  

May our facebook statuses, our tweets, and our blog posts be overshadowed and overpowered by the way we are spending our time and investing in others.   

Letting Today Be Enough

I'm a horrible waiter.

And I don't mean the restaurant kind.

I'm notoriously impatient behind slow drivers, I occasionally interrupt folks taking too long to get to their point, and I read books quickly so that I can find out what happens at the end.

If you've ever taken a personality profile test, this is me in nutshell.

As you can see, I'm a do-er, results oriented, and pretty darn self-sufficient.

(Reading that profile also makes me out to be an incredibly boring human.)

Basically, I love to do things myself and I stink at waiting.

Enter the past few years, where ironically, waiting has pretty much become the story of my life.

Waiting on our international adoption to be completed.

Waiting on our J-man's future to be determined.

Waiting on biological children.

Waiting for the day when I finally feel adjusted in Montgomery.

Waiting, waiting and more waiting.

So many aspects of our life are unfinished and messy.  Exactly the kind of thing that drives me cuh-razy.

It's as if I'm supposed to be learning life lesson through all this or something...

In early February, I headed with Tyson to the local Social Security office to get him his very own social security number.  It didn't go so well, and we left with our paperwork and the words "Homeland Security verification needed" and "3-4 weeks wait time."

Four weeks later, I called back, hoping to hear something positive.  Nope.  Our case was still being verified.

Fast forward to this past Monday, which was an additional four weeks later, and another phone call to the Social Security office.  This time, I'm told there is no record of our paperwork that is supposedly being verified by Homeland Security.  I would need to come in again and resubmit our documents. Could I be there the next morning?

Um....what?

Next day, I'm there bright and early as the doors open, hoping to get this cleared up.  Again, they can't figure out how to code his documents correctly to garner a Social Security number for our boy.  Homeland Security verification, here we go again.  Four more weeks.

On top of that, because there are some discrepancies on Tyson's name on his Green Card and Visa, the officer at Social Security told me we'd have to resubmit everything to Homeland Security for a correct green card, then change his name in our state court, and then reapply for a Social Security number with his corrected name.  All of it would take months to finish and loads more paperwork.

Tired of filling out paperwork and on the verge of tears, I left and further fumed about it on my car ride home.

Waiting and waiting and waiting.

In frustration, I called Brian to vent.

His response: "The good news is that Tyson is in our home, not across the ocean.  He's home, Les, we'll work the rest out in time."

The nerve of that man.

I'm trying to have a pity party over here and he is ruining it.

And then there is our J-man's story, which is still unfolding.  Things are moving very slowly in his case due to a backlog in the court system and so we wait and wait and wait for the next step in his future.

We have an amazing array of social workers, resource workers, and a guardian ad liteum that are fighting for the best and safest permanency for J-man. But even they can't move things along any quicker.

I get pretty frustrated as each day passes and we have no word of our next court hearing. In another conversation this week with Brian, I was lamenting on the snail's pace that J-man's case was taking. I want it finished, I want a happy ending, and I want it now.

Brian's response: "He's still in our home, Les, and we need to celebrate that.  He's with us today, let's focus on that."

How dare he bring gratefulness into the conversation when I am clearly trying to whine.

In all honesty, there doesn't seem to be a part in our lives right now where we are not being asked to wait.

We are waiting on answers that have been a long time coming.  It's been years for some, months for others, and all of them are completely out of my control.

Frankly, I don't like it.

Despite my distaste for waiting, the fact of the matter is, the wait still exists.

So, thanks to some gentle reminders from my husband, I'm working on my focus.

When I spend my time thinking and stewing over what I'm still waiting for. . .

          ~Tyson's U.S. documentation finalized

          ~J-man's permanency plan

          ~Our inability to have a biological child

          ~Life in Montgomery to be easy as I'd like it to be

. . .then I am missing out on my life.  My one life.  The one that's flying by at a rapid rate of speed.

I don't want to live in such a way where I am always pining for future wants, needs, or events. That is a slippery slope of envy, bitterness and ingratitude.

Spending my time focused on what I'm waiting for means is that I live like today isn't enough.

Today, with it's frustrations, laughter, mistakes, and joy has to be enough.  Brian and I have already missed out on years with TD, five months with Tyson, and potentially years with J-man if he leaves our home.  For that simple reason, each and every day is a treasured gift for our family.  I need to be IN IT,  instead of continually dreaming about what things will look like when all my waiting is finally over.

I have been entrusted with the care of three beautiful lives, a wonderful man, a home with ample room, and a job that allows me to be home at an integral part of the boys lives. I want my family, Brian and the boys, to know and truly believe that they are enough.  Who they are today will be celebrated, loved, and appreciated.   

Admittedly, I have spent too much of my time waiting for an outcome, (preferably MY outcome), to the unanswered questions in our life.

No longer.

Today has to be enough.  

Some of you are right there with me.

Waiting on that job.

Waiting on him.

Waiting on a child.

Waiting on a cure.

Waiting on that raise.

Waiting for them to change.

Waiting for this season to end.

There are many of you who have been waiting a long time too.  I'm walking this road with you. The fact is, there will always be something we can wait for in this life.

Let's allow our today to be enough.

It has to be, my friends.  It's all we have.

Simple

We kept it real simple today.

Church.

Naps for everyone.

Easter Egg Hunt.

That's all.

It was perfect.

Easter is such a treasured day for me.

The Cross and the Empty Tomb hold the promise of hope and redemption.

It is the reminder of new life, full of fresh perspective and purpose.

As we have become parents of three boys from varying backgrounds of trauma, loss, and pain, this Easter holds an even deeper grip on my heart.

Easter is the promise that our past no longer must define us because HE took it all on the Cross.  By HIS wounds, we are healed.

I earnestly pray that one day, all of my boys will take their stories, their doubts and their wounds and lay them at the foot of the Cross and the ONE who is the ultimate Comforter and Healer.

For now, we pray over them daily, that our boys would become men who would use their stories for good.  That they would become men of integrity and honor and stand up for those that have no voice. We pray that they would never doubt that they are loved, by us and by the One who created them.  We pray that they would come to understand just what today is all about - hope, forgiveness, and profound joy.

And today, with two under two, we had some easter egg fun.

Toddlers + Hats = absurd amounts of cuteness.

         

J-man collecting eggs with his best friend.

Don't you wish I could show you that cute face of his???? Me too. 

Tyson's job was to sit on the blanket and look cute. 

Eyelashes.  Jeesh. 

Neck rolls are totally smoochable.  (Well, on babies, that is.)

Tyson found some eggs too! 

Happy Easter from our family to yours!

Foster Care Q&A: Decisions, Expenses, and the Biological Family

This is the second installment of the Foster Care Q&A Series.  If you missed the first post, Foster Care: The Basics, please take a moment and read it first.

Disclaimer: Each state has their own Foster Care rules and regulations.  I will try and answer questions as basic and broad as possible, but will be speaking from our experience as foster parents in Alabama.  I encourage you to research your state Department of Human Resources or independent Foster Care Agencies to learn more. 

1.  Can you decide what ages and gender of the children you will foster? 
     Yes.  As a foster parent, you have the right to set parameters on your age range, gender preference, physical and emotional disabilities.  When a social worker calls you with a potential placement, they will be giving you as much information as they know. There is a quick turnaround time between removal of the child from their home and placement into a foster home.  It's important to take note that they often do not have a full medical history of the child.  As a foster parent, you must be flexible and willing to accept that children may come into your home with more medical or emotional issues than first determined by the social worker.

2. Do foster parents get reimbursed for expenses related to the child? 
     Foster Parents receive a monthly subsidy for each child in their home.  This is to cover their "room and board."  In addition, foster children are on Medicaid and any additional medical expenses are paid by the state department of social services.  In Alabama, and most likely other states, foster children under the age of five are eligible for WIC (Women, Infants, Children Food/Nutrition Program).  This program provides a monthly supplement of formula for infants or basic food necessities for toddlers.  This is a great help to foster parents with food costs.

3.  How much interaction will the child have with their biological family while in foster care? 
     The court system will decide how much interaction the biological family will have with one another. The purpose of foster care is first and foremost always reunification.  The court system will give the family as many chances as possible that are safe for the child and will provide an opportunity for the biological family and child to maintain their bond.  It could be a weekly supervised visit at the Department of Human Resources, an unsupervised visit at on a Saturday afternoon, or overnight visits to the birth family, to name a few examples.

4.  Does the foster parent have much face to face interaction with the biological family? 
     It often depends on the specific case of the child.  There will be times where the biological family is deemed too dangerous and a threat to the safety of the child and therefore, interaction is not encouraged.  In other cases, if the foster parent feels comfortable and reunification is the end goal for the child, interaction may be a good idea.  For example, the parents of the child may accompany the foster parent to the child's doctor appointments or come to the child's soccer games.

Foster Care Q&A: Part 3 Coming Soon! 

If you are a foster parent in another state and want to add or clarify anything, please email me at leslieharris77 (at) gmail (dot) com.  Would love to have your input. 

Looking for some other blogs of Foster Parents around the country? Head over here for a huge list of foster care blogs. 

Have more questions after reading this?  Leave them in the comments below or send me an email! 

Mushy Brain

 I'm a firm believer in getting a solid eight hours of sleep.

Brian heartily agrees that is best for me and our marriage.

Tyson does not hold the same belief system.

He prefers sleeping in increments of one to two hours at a time and has successfully mastered it for the past three weeks.

I. am. tired.

My brain is mushy and I am only able to write complete sentences today because he actually slept for seven hours straight last night.  Or I was so exhausted that I didn't hear him.

Either way, Hallelujah, Praise the Lord, and Amen.

I've got some thoughts swirling in my head, but until I get a wee bit more sleep in this body, it's best I not put anything down in writing.

It's better for everyone if I just stick to pictures today.

There is a small window of time in Montgomery, some call it Spring, where the humidity is low and the temperatures are mild.  Usually it lasts about six days.  Then it's 105 degrees and 250% humidity for the next six months.

It's been downright Springy around here, so we have been outside as much as possible.

Is he not the most smoochable????  Looking at this ridiculously adorable face makes me almost forget he keeps me up most of the night.   Almost.  When he is a teenager I will find a way to get him back.

J-man watching the big boys work on a project.  LOVE this picture. 

Bandit sharing the secrets of why he digs holes all over our backyard.

Tyson appears concerned at the news.

Sweet pigeon-toed and bow-legged J-man. Kind of thankful for it at this stage because the boy is super quick.  And I am not.  This gives me a slight advantage when he's running in the opposite direction. 

Family Time at the zoo.  J-man is in his favorite place- on Daddy's shoulders.

Monkeys in cages?  I'm not impressed.  They were on side of every road in Congo.    
This is what you call entertainment?

Our zoo has a playground! Our yearly membership is worth the price in swings.

 Swinging is fun! 

And in the spirit of full disclosure, my friends...

What I look like 5% of the time these days.
Showered, makeup applied and wearing clothes that don't embarrass my family.

And the other  95%.
 Black yoga pants (duh),
7 yr old t-shirt,  and not so much showered.
Keepin' it real, peeps.
 It ain't pretty, but man, it's comfortable. 

A Picture of Hope

The last post I wrote was filled with the stark reality of injustice and suffering in our world.  One picture said it all.

Today I want to start off with this picture.

Our adoption facilitator took this photo of Mama Isabelle a few days ago.  This is our Tyson's amazing DRC foster mama, holding her newest babies that will one day be united with their forever families in the United States.

She is a picture of hope.

The foster children placed in her care have suffered loss and trauma.  Everything they've known has been taken from them and is about to be turned upside down again upon meeting their new adoptive family.

Mama Isabelle is a tender rock and refuge for these children in transition.  She knows that the little ones placed in her care are not to remain for long.  It may be five months, eight months, or a year, but it will be temporary.  Despite that truth, she digs in and loves those children with a selfless heart and unconditional love.  And those children are given a gift of a lifetime through that care and attention.

One woman.  Providing hope a few children at a time.

Hope.

It's where we've got to focus.

Because when we lose hope, then we stop moving.

When we lose hope, we stop growing.

When we lose hope, we do nothing.

We can't lose hope.

We need to be a part of doing SOMEthing.

We can no longer ignore the harsh reality that exists for children in other parts of the world.  Once you have seen it, you are no longer able to deny it.

We've all seen it. Now let's do something.

I want to offer you some opportunities to get connected with great organizations working in the DRC.  These aren't organizations aimed at removing children from the country, (because adoption is just one solution, not the only solution) but rather non-profits who are dedicated to reconnecting families, helping small businesses grow, and protecting the least of these in the country.

They are providing hope to one person at a time.

Take a look at these links and learn how you can play a role.

Hope International and Kiva:   With as little as a $25 donation, you can be a part of providing a microfinance loan to help someone in the world out of poverty.  These are two great organizations providing financial services to people living in poverty around the world.  

Tumaini:  An organization helping care for orphans in Eastern Congo. Tumaini means "hope" in Swahili. Amazing organization- please check it out!

World Vision:  World Vision works in over 100 countries, including the DRC.  You can choose a child to support monthly, which will enable them to remain with their family, get an education, and proper nutrition.  You are given regular updates on the child, their education, and their family.

So many of you asked about what you could do, which I love! These are just a few options, friends, of playing a role. For those hoping to help with the orphanage in the picture, our agency facilitator is working on learning more about specific needs and assuring that items donated will go directly to the children.  More info to come!


If you have other non-profit agencies that are working in the DRC and you'd like to share, please link them in the comments below!

The Pictures That Have Undone Me

We were sitting on the floor, playing with the boys yesterday.  J-man was in full speed 16 month-old mode, running circles around us while Tyson sat on his blanket, happily chewing on whatever toy was closest to him.

Brian looked at me and asked, "I wonder what Tyson would be doing right now if he was still in the DRC."

It was just a rhetorical question, really meant for us to think on, rather than answer.  So rather than try to guess, we both just looked over in gratefulness at our little one, home with us now for seven weeks.

A few hours later, the pictures came.

One of our adoption facilitators is in the DRC right now.  She is visiting orphanages and foster homes that they are either working with or hope to start working with in the near future.

She and a few other adoptive moms that are in country right now. They are spending their time  delivering packages to children who have already been referred to families, giving a goat and a bag of rice to each foster home, and dropping off food and small toys to orphanages that are in desperate need.

They posted pictures of their visits to the orphanages yesterday.

Friends, no one will ever be able to convince me that the best place for a child is in an orphanage.

NEVER.

I'm not going to tell you that international adoption is the only answer.  Because it isn't.

But THIS is not okay.

This photo was taken yesterday.  These little ones are eating a piece of bread and tea.  Their meal for the day.  What you cannot see in the picture are the older children who are standing in the back and not eating because there was not enough food.  The orphanage directors give the little ones food first because they need it more to survive.

Our friends gave some money to the director for the older children and they were able to eat yesterday. But tomorrow there is no guarantee.

In another picture, (that I cannot show you because of privacy reasons), eight month old twins lie on a sheet on the ground, just recently brought to another orphanage.  About the size of newborns, their legs are spindly and all bone.  The orphanage is doing all they can to nurse them to health, though they have limited resources to do it.  The twins have been assigned their own "mama" who shoos away the flies and watches them at all times.  They are taken to the hospital to eat to make sure they are getting enough formula, but not too much that their tummies can't handle it.  Even with this care, there is no guarantee that they will make it.

Some of the children in these photos are currently adoptable.  Because there is no known family, they COULD be in a forever family.  They are waiting.  Spending their days like this.

There are children in the orphanages that are not adoptable yet or maybe not ever.  It is even more important that another option be opened up to them.  It may be that the biological family could care for them with a little outside help every month to feed and clothe them.  Or perhaps group homes formed that would place a smaller number of children under the care of a "Mama" and "Papa," providing more one on one care.

Our friends didn't make it to the orphanage yesterday where Tyson started out.  They hope to visit it later in the week.  We don't know much of our son's history. There are bits and pieces that we will share with him and him alone one day.  But we do know he was referred to us because there was no family found to care for him.

Tears rolled down my face as I showed the pictures to Brian yesterday evening.  This could have been our Tyson's story.  He could very easily have been one of those toddlers sitting on the floor.

He isn't.

But this IS reality for many children in the DRC right now.

And when I look in our Tyson's face, with his beautiful skin, perfectly curled eyelashes and gummy, drooling smile, I am reminded of the millions of other children in the DRC considered orphans.  I cannot help but see the children living in orphanages; sleeping 3 and 4 to a bed that often has no mattress, eating once a day, and confined to a small spaces with few toys or basic necessities.

These aren't children from the pages of National Geographic magazine or commercial.

They are living, breathing children of God who are in NEED.

Optimally, the answer will always be reunification with birth family.  In the DRC, poverty is so severe, that often families cannot take care of extended members.

That doesn't mean it cannot happen though.

For those without known biological family, adoption can be an option.  The process can be costly, emotionally draining, and long.  But without hesitation, I will tell you it is worth the wait and the cost.

I write about adoption and orphan care often and I know I sound like a broken record.  But I can't make apologies.

We have been given much.  Our lives are filled with multiples cars, homes that are warm and clean, beds that are comfortable, and pantries that are stocked.

I believe there is much to be done with those gifts.

So whether that means you open your home to welcome in children through adoption or give to non-profits that you trust who are doing the legwork in various countries to solve the orphan crisis, I ask you to consider doing something.

I've been to the DRC.  I have seen it.  I can assure you. . .  It. Is. Reality.

And just because it isn't OUR everyday reality, doesn't mean it isn't real.

Until there are no more three year-olds holding a piece of bread and cup of tea, lined up sitting on a concrete floor, I will keep asking you to DO SOMETHING.

Foster Care Q&A: The Basics

Disclaimer: Each state has their own Foster Care rules and regulations.  I will try and answer questions as basic and broad as possible, but will be speaking from our experience as foster parents in Alabama.  I encourage you to research your state Department of Human Resources or independent Foster Care Agencies to learn more. 

Let's start with some of the basics! 

1. Who can become Foster Parents? 

• Adults (In Alabama, it's 19 years old and up)
• Married Couples
• Singles

2.  What is required to become a Foster Parent? 

• Background Checks
• Child Abuse and Neglect Forms 
• Home Study and Home Visit by the Social Worker
• Classes (In AL you are required to complete a 10-week, 30 hour class)
• Your home meets the state standards for eligibility to foster

3.  What are the types of Foster Parents? 

• Respite Parents - Provide short-term care for foster children.  Respite trained foster parents can take emergency placements for a few days, weekend, or a week.  When full-time foster parents need a break, have an emergency, or need to leave the state and are unable to take the foster children, Respite Parents provide care for their foster children.  

• Full-time Foster Parents - Licensed to provide care for foster children in their home.  The number of children allowed in the home is dependent on the size of the home and number of bedrooms. 

4. Why are children placed in Foster Care? 

• Neglect - When Social Services investigates a family for neglect allegations and the children are not in imminent danger, then they will often try to put services in place to allow the biological family to continue raising the children.  If those services are not successful and there is no immediate or extended family available to care for them, then the children are removed from the home and put into foster care.

• Abuse - Physical and sexual.  Allegations of abuse that have been confirmed result in the child being removed from the home. 

• Drug or Alcohol Abuse - If the child is born to a mother addicted to drugs and tests positive for the drug, they are taken immediately from the mother and put into foster care. 

• If a biological parent has all of their children currently in foster care and they become pregnant again, the child will immediately be placed into foster care upon their birth. (In the state of Alabama). 

Foster Care Q&A Part 2 coming soon! 

If you are a foster parent in another state and want to add or clarify anything, please email me at leslieharris77 (at) gmail (dot) com.  Would love to have your input. 

Have more questions after reading this?  Leave them in the comments below or send me an email! 

The Reality of Aging Out

In 2009, nearly 40% of children in foster care were over the age of twelve.  Over one third of them were living in institutional foster care settings, as compared to less than 4% of children under the age of 12.  Estimations based on the national system indicate that a youth in foster care changes placements every six months.

Adolescence is one of the most difficult times in life. It's a period where we are desperately searching to find our place and to be accepted and loved.  We are trying to figure out who we are, what we believe in and whether we are worth something to anyone.  

Most kids today are working through all of that in a stable home environment.  Not our nation's foster children.  These children, who already have had their freedom and their voice taken away upon entering the foster care system, are often left to navigate the rough waters of adolescence alone.

It's inexcusable.

Over a third of our foster teens are living in an institution, not a family.  They do not have someone asking about their day, checking on their homework, consoling them through a break-up, or cheering them at their basketball game.

No one is praying for them, encouraging them, challenging them, or just plain doing life with them.

Teenagers in foster care who have not been adopted face an overwhelmingly bleak future.

Foster Care laws vary state by state, but most children "age out" of foster care between 18 and 21.

What does that mean?

Teens who "age out" are no longer provided with resources and services by the state.  Once they leave the system, they must find their own living arrangements, job, transportation, and meet their own daily needs.

Here is why that is troubling.

• 50% of teens in foster care drop out of high school.

• 60% of them will be homeless, go to jail, or die within one year of leaving the foster care system at age 18.

• Girls in foster care are 600% more likely than the general population to become pregnant before the age of 21.

• 3 in 10 of the nation's homeless are former foster children.

• Only 7-13% of foster children enroll in higher education.

• 1% of former foster children earn a college degree.

Bleak.

These are the forgotten children.

Most would agree that it is a whole lot easier to love a chubby-cheeked nine month-old baby who just came into foster care than a surly, brash teenage girl who has been in care for over a decade.  

But that surly, brash teenage girl was once nine months old.  She once lived with a biological family, and somewhere along the way, things went horribly wrong.  She has since suffered because of the decisions of those who were meant to protect her.  Years, memories, and dreams have been stolen from her.  And it's not her fault. 

Children in foster care do not have a voice.  They do not get to decide where they go and with which family they will be placed.

Once they hit adolescence, there are very few people left fighting for them.

And that's when they need it most.

So what can be done?

1.  Become a foster parent to teens.  It's not a job for everyone, but it's a job for someone.  Could that be your family? Contact your local Social Services department to inquire about the needs, requirements, and training required.

2.  Give, Donate, Encourage. There are great organizations that come alongside teens aging out of the foster care system.  Take a minute to check them out and see if you want to be a part.

The Camellia Network. Supporting specific former foster teens who have aged out by helping them with college, finding a job, and providing a gift registry to assist them in getting on their feet.

Do 1 Thing.  Foster Care and Homelessness often coincide. Do 1 Thing is an organization dedicated to helping out our nation's homeless youth, many of whom are former foster children.  You can find a listing of organizations by state that are doing something to help eradicate homelessness here.

3. Become a Mentor.  It's a disheartening reality, but adoption isn't going to happen for many adolescents in foster care.  That is all the more reason that we need to fight to make sure they are not  forgotten or ignored. 

Mentoring a foster child is where a relationship is built without the child living full-time in the home. There are many ways that it can look; time spent hanging out, going to eat, offering wisdom and guidance, a shoulder to cry on, or even just a sounding board for a teen who never has anyone that listens to them. This is a role that can be life-changing, for both the mentor and the teen. Everyone needs someone who has their back, is going to fight for them, and encourages them to dream about the future.  

Becoming a Mentor looks different in every state.  Contact your local Social Services, or faith-based Foster Care program in your county or state.  

In Alabama, you can contact the Department of Human Resources, Alabama Baptist Children's Homes, or United Methodist Children's Homes. 

If we start REALLY investing in our foster children, imagine the possibilities. . .

• Education, college, and careers can become a reality for them, not just a pipe dream

• Fewer inmates in our prison system

• Fewer unwanted/unplanned pregnancies 

• The generational cycle of abuse and neglect can stop 

By just CARING about a child and offering LOVE and TIME, it could impact our entire NATION.  

Wow. 

There are tangible ways to get involved WHEREVER you live in the United States.  

Someone needs to fight for them.  Will it be you? 


Statistics Found From the Following Sites: 
http://azhope.com/about/foster-care-statistics.php

http://www.journalismcenter.org/resource/child-welfare/foster-care-and-permanence

http://www.childtrends.org/Files/Child_Trends-2011_11_01_RB_TeenParentsFC.pdf

http://amarillo.com/news/local-news/2012-06-24/what-comes-next